It's the third Memorial Day without my brother. I've lost other loved ones before--through death, life choices, etc., but this one hurt the most. The first memorial day I felt so lonely and bereft I could hardly stand my self. The second one, I was feeling better compared to the three months of grief I'd spent from his birthday early February to after the date of his death, late April. But it was still something else.
Also, I was grieving for the loss of a friend of 25 years. One whom I'd believed in, loved and grown up with who turned out not to be the person I believed her to be. I don't mean we grew up into different people, I mean she wasn't the person she pretended to be to anybody. I was grieving for the friend I'd thought I had. That person was effectively dead.
This year, I'm not as sad as the first, but I still miss him terribly. I'm over the deep grief of the friend and it's more a depressing thought in passing rather than a life changing mood. My stepfather died this year and I'm now grieving for the near loss of my daughter physically and the loss of her emotionally. Some know the extent of things and some don't. Thankfully, I have friends to help me through the darker moments.
So, today, rather than hang about and dwell on matters that hurt, including my friends who have undergone such a recent tragedy themselves, I went and helped a friend who's back is injured to plant a garden. We put in a cajillion tomatoes, peppers of two different kinds, planted a variety of seeds then petered out :D
It was a pretty good day all in all. I hope that everyone who is currently experiencing the deep wrenching grief of the newly lost loved one, and all those who are remembering those lost were able to feel some light or hope for the future. I was able to avoid the deep grief that tends to overwhelm me and therefore hope others have as well.
Hugs to all who have lost loved ones this Memorial Day. May your year help heal your heart and fill it with love and good memories.