time for some sample writing

One of many books I'm considering writing a sequel to is Gal Friday Noir: Mayhem in Mexico (and yes, if you're wondering, I'm looking for a new title. I think the title is a little misleading. It's more action packed than noir suggests to me. Still, sigh.) I'm editing it while I'm on the home computer. This is the one driving me crazy making changes from first person present tense to first person past tense. I thought I was nearly finished and was doing a final run through... and the answer to that is no, not. Forgot I was interrupted :D

Anyways, here's a passage after Serena and her FBI agent partner, Joseph, has rescued her kids. She stays behind to ensure their escape and is now waiting for her own rescue once the kids are safe. We start with her talking:

"Another drug?" Oh just peachy keeno. Another drug. Another thing to worry about in the fight against these zombie monsters in human clothing.

"Yes. This one works to make the person more malleable to specific commands."

"Sounds dangerous. What if the wrong person gives them a command? Then what're you going to do? Give them counter commands until steam comes out their ears? I'm more impressed with your knock out drug," I said sarcastically.

"You're such a spitfire. Breaking the strong ones is so much more riveting for me. This drug works a lot like hypnosis works on the masses," she continued as if she hadn't just said she's going to break me. "While under the influence of this new drug, I can train the mind of whomever I want to do what I want, when I want."

"That's a lot of I wants. Hasn't anyone told you the old saying? Want in one, shit in the other and see which fills up faster? Because that's where I see this going." No way she'd developed mind control drugs for the Infected. Right?

I finally saw a frown cross her face. Good. My mother always said I could try the patience of a saint. She didn't find it funny when I told her that suffering was what made a person a saint and maybe I was put on Earth for making saints. I was a bit of a snot. Who was I kidding? I still qualified.

"You're a real smart ass. But you'll see. It takes a few doses to become effective but we'll get there. In the meantime, my friends and I are going to make sure you remember your stay here."

No doubt they would. I knew her old pals would be more than happy to stick the screws in and turn them. "The sourness in my disposition isn't due to the wonderfulness of my position. I'm quite confident you'll make my stay here memorable. Just remember, I'll be paying you back." If I lived through this ordeal.

"Bravado will get you nowhere but hurt. My men aren't as tolerant or forgiving of sarcastic humor as I am. But, the talking is over. I'm sure your cheek is feeling better compared to how it felt when you first got it. It seems to be healing at an alarming rate for a human. You're infected with the virus, I believe. How have you convinced the military otherwise?" She narrowed her eyes at me. "You can't cheat those tests. They don't leave you alone for a minute after they've verified  your identity. Fascinating."

She slapped my injured cheek. Hard.

My head snapped to the side in the aftermath of the blow. My eyesight was swimming. Shit. That hurt. While I was blinking to bring my eyes in focus, she slapped the other cheek. Now I was dizzy and sick. Fuck. She'd barely started and I was this sick? It was going to be a long day. God help me if I was here a week.

My head wass lolling around like a drunk in his favorite bar. I tried to speak, but couldn't at first. I finally regained the use of my tongue. "Is that all you got?"

She grabbed a fistful of my hair and jerked strait up. I swear stars were flying around her head after she cuffed my ears with her other hand. She yanked my head back so my neck was exposed. She took a knife from under her skirt which looked impressive when you were in my position. She scraped the knife down my neck.

The pain of the knife slicing burned against my skin. The blood ran down my neck to my shirt. I knew she planned on keeping me alive, but I wasn't looking forward to finding out how much torture my self-healing body could take without dying.

She let my head go and it bobbed like a buoy on water. My headache was exploding in little colored fireworks behind my eyes. Great. A stinking migraine to add to the list of pains. Thank you super virus, for making me so awesome.

 I wasn't even trying to focus my eyes on her. I didn't want to.

"You'll be left here while we make our arrangements with our traitor within the FBI. When I come back, I'll take you to your first bathroom run. You're our guest here. If there's anything you want, you just have to ask."

"Let me go?" I said sarcastically.

"You're being unreasonable," she replied mildly.

"Fine. How about Pizza Delivery? Or is that against hostage etiquette too?" My world was still spinning and my head still bobbed up and down.

She stepped forward and slapped me again with a quick snap of the wrist. My head jerked so far to the right, I was surprised when my neck didn't snap.

And hence starts the beginning of our captured heroines torture. Sigh. It was hard to write the whole bits. Especially in first person. Anywas, off to write some more. TATA for now.

critique me query

I've written a book in first person and this is my query. Aside from the first person aspect, which I've heard is controversial, please critique this. It's *this close* to being ready to send out again after another round of changes :P These are the last until an editor says "change this or that" (except for grammar stuff. I'll always fix that if I find it lol) so help me out! Good and bad comments. ONly rule is make your comment constructive if it's negative. I'll take all the positive vibes you send though LOL

This is a zombie book, which will be obvious, and it's a thriller with no element of romance at all. If you got in your email, or read it on the back of a book, would you be interested in more?



I figured getting kidnapped by the FBI was pretty low on the list of things I wanted to do. It was right up there with meeting with terrorists groups and writing their side of the story. Why me? Turned out 'me' was a scapegoat for someone with some serious health issues. They'd contracted the zombie virus.

I was a zombie killer was killing them as quickly as I could. But I was only one woman. Again, why me? I was immune. You'd think being immune was great, but it wasn’t. Ever since the government purposely tried to infect me with the zombie virus, they had been watching me close to see if I turned.

The FBI wanted me to accomplish something big. Something big two thousand miles away from my home. When I arrived in El Paso, Texas after my long, strenuous drive from Washington, my contact agent, Joseph, wasn't available. Rude, right? I forgave him, this time. Being held by a zombie and tortured for two days was an excuse I accepted after saving his ass. Oh, tortured and not eaten had you surprised, didn't it? Don't be. They weren’t like the Hollywood types. At least not right away. First, they were super soldiers. They never got sick, their IQ tripled, and their sex appeal went off the charts. Trouble was, some of them develop a taste for meat—human meat—even before they’d died and officially turned zombie.

Problem with governments screwing around with our DNA was things never went as planned. When terrorists kidnapped my kids, all bets were off, even if Agent Joseph became one of the Infected. I hoped I could get to my kids and steal the antivirus without getting killed. Because if I couldn't, the whole world was going to have a really bad day.

Gal Friday Noir: Mayhem in Mexico is a paranormal thriller at 85,000 words. My preferred method of contact is email. Thank you for your time and consideration

Okay, after some personal emails, and the comment already here, I've revised some. Here's the new version. Whatcha think?

I'm a zombie killer at night, even have my favorite knife. But I'm only one woman. Ever since the government tried to infect me with the zombie virus, they've been watching to see if I turn. But I won't. I'm immune. You'd think being immune's great; it isn't.

Getting kidnapped by the FBI is pretty low on the list of things I want to do. It's right down there with meeting with terrorists groups and getting eaten by zombies. And if kidnapping's not enough, the FBI wants me to do something big for them two thousand miles away from home. I agree, but on my terms.

When I arrive in El Paso, Texas, my FBI contact, Agent Joseph, isn't available. Rude, right? I forgive him, this time. Being held by zombies and tortured for two days is an excuse I accepted after saving his ass and shooting one of them. But why'd they let him go so easily? We have to find out before the zombie virus spreads. And I have to teach Joseph the proper way to kill super zombies in short order.

Problem with governments screwing around with our DNA is things never go as planned. Their super soldiers turned terrorists kidnap my kids and all bets are off. We need to save my kids, steal the antivirus, all without getting killed. Because if we didn't, the whole world was going to have a really bad day.

Gal Friday Noir: Mayhem in Mexico is a zombie thriller at 85,000 words. I guest post for a fantasy site, Splintered Lands, and have had a horror short story in the online magazine, Forever Nocturne. Thank you for your time and consideration.

So what do you think? Also, looking for new title. This doesn't fit anymore :P Suggestions?

I wrote a bloooooggg :P

Looks like I'll be getting some sleep after posting this :D My new site is up and running and starting one day this week, I'll be posting blogs over there as well as here. Not the same blog, mind you, although they'll most likely be related somehow. My mind wanders where it will and that's what I'll write about. The blogs I try to force are the ones that come out as the most unintersting.

I have so much writing on the horizon that I'm doubly glad I got over the stress blockers! I have so much to do!

Which reminds me, I have a serial to polish and send off! Now I have to remember what my CP tweeted me about it...only something minor so no biggie. he he.

My brain should feel fried. You know how hard I worked on editing today? hard! but it was worth it! IN the course of my writing career, I've gone from too much back story to not enough details except when I like to throw the double adjectives in :D Mostly, it can work in the thriller genre, but I also write fantasy. It will NOT work there. I'll have to work on it.

I'm thinking that before I had to put my life on pause during my daughter's recent illness, I'd thought of having a special day of the week dedicated to writing mechanics. Is there enough to fill a day aweek? possible. I shall try :D

For now, I'm going to go get that sleep I'm craving! You think about back story and exposition because I do believer that's what we're going to tackle first in a very open forum! I'll also have the grand opening of my website very soon!! Stay tuned for details!b

Monday

It's monday. My kids are up even though it's after midnight. I tired out the 2 yo so he'd sleep tonight. So what did he do? Fell asleep at 6 and woke up at 9:30 :P LOL

He's a lot like the character's in my books. I'd like for them to do one thing and they laugh at me and pull something else. *sigh* At least I can threaten to delete my characters! What's a mom to do with a 2 yo with that kind of sleep habits!

He's my fifth child so I know all the tricks of the trade. He's just stubborn. *glares at everyone who's asking me fascetiously where he got that from*

I have this friend. She's beta reading for me me and she gave me this idea. And asked me if I hated her. Nope. Just ask my critique partner. I like help and good ideas. Especially if I can see the WHY of it! Does that mean I'm jumping for joy at the changes she's proposing or the way I need to go about it??? NO!! I'm groaning and eye rolling and asking myself why I didn't think of that. It's something I've done before.

I could be stubborn and say no way! but why? I want to be the best writer I can be and if this will help, then so be it. I'm going to start my first chapter from someplace new and rewrite the first chapter. Wish me luck!! I am a little frustrated because I pretty much thought I was at the cosmetic stage. Let the beta readers find out if I did a name wrong half way through or help me with a procedural error, no biggie. But now I find out I'm going to have to do something else. *BIG SIGH* No, I don't hate you, beta reader, but I sure wish I could say you were wrong!

It will have to wait until I get some sleep though. I'm exhausted.

I already did 45 pages of edits, wrote new stuff and marked where new scenes needed to be written for the paranormal, Ulfiric's Mate. Ought to be interesting to see if I can do the rest of the story in the same manner. I think I can...

PS I've beaten the stress freeze and rolling right up to hot! Here we go.

Hello there :D

It's good to be back on. Now, even with the advent of blogger being gone for most of yesterday, I told my husband that people still managed to get to my blog. He said they were people from the CIA LOL that even with blogger down, they could get to me :P

I think he's been reading my MS again LOL

My CP really likes my MS in the fppt (first person present tense) so I did a little digging. And all recent books that I've bought have been in first person (past tense verbs)and really, that's where I kept trying to go. I spent a lot of editing time making it fppt and now will be going back the other way. I thought I had lots of time, but I've already received a negative on it! So, might not have as much time to fix a problem I didn't know I had until now. UGH but, at least now I know. FPPT is apparently not a well liked form of POV writing.

My story is so good that it'll still be good as I rock the changes. Sound a bit conceited? Well it's the truth. I've had books I've liked before, and felt I could make them workable, sellable, what-have-you, but this one has been special. Maybe we'll see how special.

All the time, I'm learning new things. it all affects my writing on one level or another. But how many times do we over correct? I'm hoping I'm not making that mistake with this book. We shall see.

I'm nearly finished with changes in first chapter. I'll post here for today's excerpts:

Gal Friday Noir:


My hair is stuck to the side of my face, the drying sweat making me uncomfortable. I'm already pissed off because I don't know what's happening with my kids. Pissed and uncomfortable are not good bedfellows. Not that these assholes care. I need a shower, for starters. Maybe a nice, rare steak ready for when I get out of this hell hole and back to my kids. At least they let me have my smokes.

I looked at man in the suit gazing down at me. I felt his distaste as a palpable thing. I'm dressed in what I call my 'day clothes' since they nabbed me in broad daylight with no warning. Believe me, that wasn't easy. Acid-wash jeans, old t-shirt and Nikes made up my public persona, my mom face. But that wasn't the person they were looking for.

No. They wanted the person in the file they were holding. I lean back on the old wooden chair and put my feet up on the matching desk. I'd a moment's unease as I wondered if the brown stain was coffee-or blood. These men were an unknown to me.

The blue suit, as I thought of the slightly shorter, more dour of the partners, held my file. I identified it from my stint in the military hospital after some freak biological substance leaked in my neighborhood. I recognized the special symbol on it.


So what do you think? It's the newly revised first person. It's also the beginning of my book. You like it? Feedback please :D

Friday Excerpts--Gal Friday Noir

Well, technically it's Saturday, but I didn't have access to my stories or the internet at the same time yesterday! :D

Exerpt from Gal Friday Noir: Mayhem in Mexico (newly finished at 82k!!) ahem, excuse me while I squee. Okay, I'm back :)

Main character knows her kids have been kidnapped but hasn't seen them yet. (This is a zombie thriller, although you don't get to see them here.) As you'll see, this doesn't make momma happy!


I stare at Gene, sure that my anger is visible on my face. My teeth hurt because I'm clenching them so tight. But just in case he needs a little motivation, I let out the full force of my Immune powers. My anger flows out so strongly, that even Joseph steps away from me.

The two guards that came out of the same office as Andrea at the time I unleashed my anger both duck and stay down as if they had incoming. Andrea and Gene on the metal landing above us step away from the railing in shock, their backs hitting the other side with a twang. Gene quickly recovers and steps up to his previous position.

"Of course you'll see your kids immediately." He nods at the men who'd stepped out a minute ago and they two time it to a door hidden in the shadows under the stairs where they stand. I pay close attention to the knock, memorizing the pattern and the words spoken.

Two men come out, each dragging a screaming kid. I smile with great pride. Both my boys are putting up a fight. "Don, Kyle," I call out joyously and run towards them. The boys stop for a moment upon hearing my voice then both stomp on the feet of their captors and rush out of their grips into my arms.

"Are you guys alright," I ask searching their faces and bodies for sign of mistreatment. They look fine. Lucky Andrea.

"We're bored. And they're awful, mom. Can we go home now?" I grin at Kyle.

"Sure baby, in a minute," I point to the men who'd brought them out of the room. "Are they your kidnappers?"

Kyle looks at them and says, "No, they're alright. They think we're here being punished while you're doing your work." He changes to a loud whisper. "They're nice but a little slow."

I bark out a short laugh of surprise. "If it wasn't them, then who was it?"

"The guys who knocked to get us right now. Those guys are assholes."

"Assholes, assholes, balls, balls," starts Don in a sing song voice when I don't immediately take Kyle to task for cussing.

"Don, hush." I turn to the men who brought out my kids. "Where's their sitter?"
They look at each other blankly, but I see the smirk on one of the men who'd come down the metal staircase. "Where is she," I repeat.

"She's at the main house getting special treatment," one of them say snidely.
"You better hope special doesn't mean what I think you mean by it, Ace. You're already dead. If she's been hurt, I'll make you suffer first."

He starts to laugh but something about the way I'm looking at him makes him stop. I see him reassess me. Up to this point, he's been working on the assumption I'm a chump writer. I'm thinking he's not so sure of me anymore. He will be when I'm through with him. He'll have a whole new respect for mothers and writers. Too bad he won't live long enough to appreciate it.

This close

I'm so close to finishing my Gal Friday Noir! Life is trying to keep me from writing to my hearts content, but my mind will wander and do as it will. I'm writing, I'm thinking, I'm caressing my story in my mind. It's what keeps me sane during such crazy times.

Many work so know what I mean. You might have to put all your concnetration into work, but the minute you have any free mind time, it wants to write. It wants to worry on that small plot problem and how you're going to resolve it. Or you're thinking of how you're going to get your heroine out of trouble and not make a baby out of her or your hero.

The mind wants what it wants. And my mind doesn't want to contemplate the danger my daughter's in at the moment. It wants to contemplate the future, and my other children. It wants to contemplate the love of the family and friends that are out there. It wants to comtemplate the wonder of having someone care enough to wake up 22 doctors in the middle of the night to help us!!

Thanks to all of you who've helped me keep looking to the future and keeping my writing in the forefront so I can keep my sanity.

Friday Excerpts--Gal Friday Noir revamped to 1st

I know I'm a little early for west coasters, US, but my other friends in Europe are already into Friday :)

I'd like to thank everyone who helped me in my transfermation from third to first. This is early in chapter one. I think the first paragraph here is about the fifth in chapter one.

I've not started any real edits yet so it's still pretty raw. But the first person is really rockin' in this story. Tell me what you think :)



Gal Friday Noir

The blue suit, as I think of the slightly shorter, more dour of the partners, holds my file. I identify it from my stint in the military hospital after some freak biological substance leaked in my neighborhood. I recognize the special symbol on it.

That was back when I was still married--I put an abrupt stop to that train. It left the station a long time ago. I stub out my cigarette in the small old-fashioned glass ashtray on the desk. They obviously don't have an updated dossier on me or they never would've left me with such a hand weapon, much less matches.

I keep my hand hovering over the ashtray, in a seemingly idle gesture. I resist the urge to blow the hair out of my eyes or any other gesture they may take as nervousness. I listen to his voice drone out the basic facts.

Name, Serena L. Rouge formally Hartson at the time of hospitalization. Age, thirty now. Occupation, writer. I smile wide when he reads that in incredulous tones. I can hear the wheels turning as to how some peon of a writer gave him a black eye and broke his partner's nose.

Black suit, the one with the broken nose and truly atrocious attitude glared at me from behind puffy eyes. He speaks as if he has a bad cold due to my resistance in the parking lot. But really, is it my fault they don't do their homework before kidnapping me?

"Hey, this is serious," blue suit says as he notes my smile.

I only smile wider at his cranky tone. Needling assholes never gets old. "Since you haven't bothered to explain why you've kidnapped a citizen with no outstanding warrants or other reason to be summarily arrested, I'm not sure why you think I should take you seriously. Is that a spot of dirt under your eye?" I ask facetiously.

My anger is barely suppressed as I think of my children at school. Or home for all I know. I don't know what time it is thanks to these fuck heads and I can barely control the urge to hurt them again. It's only my extreme need to keep my secret life a, well secret, from yahoos like these that keeps me sitting in my pseudo-relaxed position.

"If you're so innocent, then why did you fight us?"

I stare at him. Is he really completely stupid? Where did the government get these guys? No wonder the zombies are winning. "Duh. Every woman is told to fight to prevent being kidnapped. You were abducting me for fuck's sake. What did you expect!"

I lit another cigarette for something to do with my hands. Plus to have a weapon ready. I notice that black suit doesn't like it. Definite plus in my book.

I know they can't possibly want the writer person, yet they seem unaware that I possess other skills. I'm confused regarding their intentions. However, any way I look at it, it smarts to be kidnapped by such as these two bumbling idiots. But they'd stuck me with a needle of something and down I went. I need to know what the hell they were using. It's hard to bring me down--ever since the accident.

Yikes it's Monday!!

Wow, I just realized it's Monday and I have a post to write :)

Updates:

Quest for Riverhand our to 2 betas now. This is the one that I edited my voice out of and am now trying to get all the lovely detail and voice back in.

Damian series: Ghost of Kristen's Past is now out to my critique partner who is helping me get past the stilted OMG an editor IS going to see this shit I had in there :) It's been back from a beta reader who is fantastic (@techsurgeons on twitter and he's a cool beans tech guy. If you need one go "see" him) And I finally incorporated the things he said--or tried to. Still have a ways to go from what I'm getting back from the CP

Gal Friday Noir series is about a third of the way finished. I'm so far behind!!

Also, I have a short to write! I sent in a query to Splintered Lands and now I get to write a short for them. I'm so excited!! Lot's going on :)

I also beta read a short this weekend which was over due by at least a week!! Between getting sick and remodeling, and my flipping internet, I feel like the universe is working against me lol. But I finally got it out to her.

One thing that cropped up in the short I read, is passive voice. I've helped other's on twitter on how to add passive voice "marking" in Word. What's funny is I can't remember off the top of my head. I have to open up a document and walk myself through the process.

These kind of self-help mechanisms are good help to the writer. I think I'm going to start another series on the mechanism of using particular programs, even bringing guest bloggers on for others that I don't use.

There are so many other ways to make mistakes, that we need to use all the help available to us for free. :) I'll let you know when I get the first few ready to go. They'll be on word as that's what I use.

What programs do you use and do you know any fancy tricks you could share on my blog in the future? Comment here and share with us which is your favorite program to use.

Friday

I haven't gotten much writing done this week because of the sickness plaguing me. However, I have made leaps and bounds on the first person issue. I wrote a comedy erotica in the first person (talk about squirming under first person!)and a about 10k more words in the story. I've also gone back and started changing the other stuff into first person. It's driving me crazy being unable to focus for very long.

Just a reminder, 99% of what I post is raw or early drafts so feel free to point out flaws and any grammar problems :D


End of chapter 7

"They turn into, well," I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. "They turn into zombies."

The silence in the room is profound. I watch as a myriad of emotions cross his face: disbelief, confusion, thoughtfulness, then the awareness. He's put what I've told him together with whatever he knows. I can see it in his eyes. It's his turn to trust me.

"Spill it," I say.

He looks at me as if I'm a witch or something. "Spill what," he says carefully.

"Whatever it is that's making you believe me so easily. You know something. Now tell me what it is."

"It's nothing concrete really. I may be wrong."

I let out a frustrated sigh. "Tell me."

"I remember hearing about a group of elite soldiers that were killed. It was covered up."

"You think it has something to do with this. Why and how did you find out about it?"

"A team of our agents were down there on assignment. The army was their back up."

This was like pulling teeth. Whatever he had to say must be bad. "And?"

"And, our office got a hold of video footage. I saw it before it was confiscated." He pauses and looks me in the eye. "What I saw were men, running so fast they were a blur on the videos. Men who viciously attacked the agents. The other soldiers shot the attackers in the head. Six people died that day, including one of our agents."

"But how did they keep that out of the news? That's the part that's been bugging me all this time. If soldiers are losing it, someone would know."

"Yes, someone would know. I think they're killing anyone not willing to run the party line."

"But that means--" I can't say it.

He's nodding anyway. "That means you."
 

Setting Example

I'm sick, so I'm going to fudge a little today. As you all know if you've read my blog lately, I started a new dark parnormal female noir series. I've posted some of it here. Everything I post is usually raw or early drafts so it doesn't mess up later publication and so my family and friends can get a taste of the process.

The Gal Friday Noir series is important to me. It was thought up during a dark time in my emotional life. And it's getting me through these few weeks between my brother's birthday and the 2nd anniversary of his death. I now have critique partner helping with it. But before I found my partner of awesomesauce, I turned in bits of my story for public critiquing. Where? To my favorite grammar blog, of course.

I've since experienced other difficulties most of which has at least gotten a mention on my blog making this story, my writing even more important to me. I'm editing and writing new. Struggling with this illness, but seeing a doctor today should help. Then I can get back to writing thousands of words a day instead of hundreds.

Please go read the critique here: http://edittorrent.blogspot.com/2011/02/your-setting-examples-4.html And while you're at it, go read anything else that may look interesting or helpful to you. These two ladies are full of awesome, fairness, and are two wonderful editors. (Seriously, I've expounded on their wonderfulness on this blog before.) You still here? You haven't gone to their site? Be gone! Then come back and comment ;-)

Have so much to do

My critique partner and I are rocking. I wrote an erotic comedy short for a contest that opens on March 1st. And you know what? I wrote it in first person :D

I think it's pretty good for a quickie. *snicker*

I'm now at 19360 words on my Gal Friday Noir and it's coming along nicely. About to send her out into the fray again. Knives blazing. Momma is pissed. Her kids are being held captive to ensure her cooperation. Nothing like a grizzly momma after you. Bad guys never learn. Don't mess with someone's kids.

Not going as quickly as I'd like on the edits. In fact, Hubby just left with the reason and I may have to edit instead of write while they're gone!! It's hard though. I'm really digging my new story and my critique partner as well. Sigh. But I must finsh the other one. Send it off :D

And ahem, I have one other beta reader. her initials are AG who needs to put her two cents in. Or on the other one :D Maybe should send them to her again? LOL I guess I'll be good and go edit. Course, it is the devil's human son, demons, Succubai, angels, Soulmates, sex, love, bondage, sword fights... Hey, that's right, I like that book. :D

Friday Excerpts--Gal Friday Noir

Okay, I did something. My critique partner suggested I try my story in first person. I'm not a big fan of the first person. In fact, my initial blase attitude regarding Twilight had to do with the first person POV. (BTW, in case you missed my earlier post regarding this, no author bashing here on my blog. I will erase the post. Constructive criticism only, please.) I told my critique partner this, and being the brave soul that she is, she said, "It would be good exercise anyway." So I did it. Instead of a "new" chapter, I rewrote the last chapter, and did it in first person. Here is an excerpt.

PLEASE comment, give your opinion constructively. (The no author bashing rule applies to me too!) This is a little long because I need some feed back on the first person and this chapter is full of dialogue. Enjoy :D

"I don't think they meant to. Only one other person knew I was taking those days before I left the office. I was kidnapped on my way home. Since I live alone, there's no one to report me missing unless I don't check in today."

"Nice," I said. "I bet you pissed off someone. They can't say a word and all their careful planning is backfiring because you had a whim for a few days to yourself."
He grinned at me and I could see some color returning to his face. "Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn't it?"

My kind of man. "Pissing people off always makes my heart glow." I glanced quickly his way and smiled. "So, their mole isn't likely to be your boss, or he could have called off the kidnapping. That is, if the intended result was to have you pulled from the case."

"You're scary when you smile like that," he said, approval lacing his voice. "What training have you had?"

Surprised, I glanced over at him again, then shrugged. "Here, there. Mostly local people." Some dumb luck and experience is how I learned most of my survival lessons, but that would lead to lots of questions I have no intention of answering. Besides, those experiences are what made me seek out self-defense lessons.

"I can't imagine how you'd be if you had any formal training." He shook his head then dropped the subject. Smart man. "But back to the problem. I agree with you. The more I think about it, the more I'm sure they intended to have me taken off the case. I need to find out why. And who."

"What's the next step? This is way past my skills." Even my private investigator training wasn't enough to deal with a mole in the FBI.

"I doubt it. You handled yourself like a pro back there."

"Damn it." That's not what I meant at all. But if he leaked that she was cool under fire and had bested an infected, there's no telling the damage it would do. "Is there any way I can keep that information out of your official report?

"There's not going to be an official report," he said grimly. "Normally, I'd report, they'd pull me as lead, but keep me as consultant. But I don't think that's what'll happen this time. There's something underhanded about all of this that I mean to get to the bottom of. What if they wanted more than to get me off the case?'

His question surprised me, but I immediately knew what he meant. "Like fired?"

"Yes, fired. I've been secretly searching for the mole. The director isn't convinced there is one. I'm sure there is. What if I'm getting too close and they've decided to get rid of me in a non-sensational way?"

"This group seems to enjoy the bloodshed. Why stop now?" I had an inkling of where he was going, but wanted to hear him talk out the process for me.

"Because the death of an FBI agent would cause too many questions. Better for them to try a different route first."

I pondered this while driving, letting the car fill with silence again. After a while, I heard him mumble "What the hell?" and reach in his pocket. It was his cell phone. That worried me. They kidnap him, bloody him up, then leave him with everything, including his phone? Nothing added up.

Granted, I'd interrupted them, perhaps foiling some of their plans when they left, but they'd been there for two days. Simple enough to slip his gun, badge and phone into a pocket or purse. Spinning the scenarios was giving me a bitch of a headache. Normally, I didn't get them anymore, but apparently my body was telling me it'd had enough for the day.

I reached behind the front seat and started rummaging in my pack. Joseph gave me a look and pointed to the road. I sighed in frustration and mouthed "headache" at him.
He nodded and pulled my pack to his lap. While plastering his phone to his ear with his shoulder he poked around in the pocket I'd just been digging in. He came up with my bottle of Motrin.

I popped them with some of the left over soda from McDonald's and surreptitiously watched his features. His face was still somewhat swollen, especially around the eyes. However, fully dressed, the only clue to the recent ordeal were the black eyes.
I wanted to offer him some of her Motrin but figured he knew about them now and could ask or get some if he needed it. I noticed him tensing his jaw which made it difficult for me not to ask "What?" while he talked on the phone. Driving aimlessly for a few more minutes wouldn't kill me. But my curiosity might. I was so busy mocking myself, I didn't notice he'd quit talking on the phone and shut it off.

"I'm not saying anything about my kidnapping and we have to go in to the Bureau. The person I talked to said all calls from me, to me, or regarding me were ordered rerouted to another number--two days ago," he said darkly.

Two days ago. I was incredulous. No way. I'm not buying. "That's a little much for my bullshit meter," I said mildly, not wanting any of his anger directed at me.

"Mine too," he replied.

"I know the director didn't set it up, so it had to come from one of two people. My regular partner is stuck on desk duty from injuries arising out of a hit and run. In light of recent events, I'm beginning to think his accident is related to this case. These people are ruthless and have no morals if I'm right," he said with hot anger in his voice.

Despite knowing he wasn't directing it at me, I flinched at his tone. Even while being tied up and tortured, he hadn't lost his cool. Now he looked ready to take someone out for what happened to his partner. I planned on staying out of his way.

"What happened," I ask him quietly. "And give me directions to the local office so we can take care of that before I check in to a hotel somewhere."

He gave me the directions while he talked. "A month ago, my partner, David, was t-boned on his way to work. He left the Shell Station by the freeway after getting gas and witnesses say a large black truck appeared out of nowhere and smashed the driver's side of his sedate sedan. The doctors said if his car hadn't come equipped with side airbags as well as front air bags, he would have died."

The malice and forethought involved with planning a murder for an Agent only peripherally involved stunned me. Killing someone in that manner was risky at best. You were more likely to permanently handicap them. I had to agree with Joseph's assessment. Chances are that they did it to get David off a current case in the field and stuck behind a desk or worse.

I'm not sure what he thought of my continued silence, but he didn't stay quiet for long. This time I could hear the raw emotions in his voice. "It took two weeks before he was well enough to come to work and sit behind a desk. His color was so bad, I almost made him go home. I don't know how he convinced his own doctors, much less the FBI ones to let him back so soon, but he did."

He started to say more than stopped. I let him contemplate his thoughts on his own for now. I have my own worries to ponder. As I thought things out, I didn't much like the conclusions I came to. Fear is not a comfortable bed fellow. Tended to make people make mistakes and I was no exception. If these people were willing to do that to an FBI agent, how much more would they do to me, a lowly writer?

Damian series

My Damian series, the one where he is the Devil's son, has officially started. LOL My first complete novel (upgraded from a short through much sweat, tears and blood)has started trickling back from readers, and the over all impression is good :) some technical issues to take care of, but the end is in sight. At least the end until a professional editor gets ahold of it and "suggests" things to bring it inline with house rules. LOL

Wow. I realized I'm saying when, not if. That's how good I feel about it. I have set up the next book in it as well, now to find the initial conflict around which the couples have to work. I already know the personal problems they have to overcome. Need to set up the outside obstacles. First, though, I will be finishing my Gal Friday Noir initial book. It is awesomesauce in the making.

I'm excited to have so many good projects. I'm grateful that I have the ability to produce so much as it is a wonderful stress reliever. I can easily write 3-5 novels a year (fantasy and sci-fi are longer) plus edit, and research agents. My biggest block right now is my inability to write awesome query letters without extensive help, and the synopsis. For example, the Damian series is a paranormal erotica and I forgot to include the sex angle at all. only the subject line referred to it being an erotica.

As for synopsis, well, each agent/publisher wans a different length, so I don't even know where to start with that!! *sigh* It's okay. More learning, more stretching, more growing. I love the writing world!

However, I'm sick right now and can't concentrate. May be the sickness, may be the lack of thyroid meds (which is corrected, but takes time to catch up), or more likely, may be the combination. I'm thinking of penning a ballad to my over worked sinuses. LOL

How is everyone's writing going? Any one else have issues with queries? If you're one of those who DON'T have issues, please share :) Tell us how you do it, and any tricks you know. Mine is to go to CJ Redwine and take her Query workshop. I've already informed her that I shall no longer be putting out queries until I can take a workshop from her LOL

Wednesday, Wednesday, Wednesday. It is the middle of the business week. I have done very little writing this week. I've been playing. Working on my homeschool stuff and writing a paragraph here and there. I had trouble getting character from A to B without losing momentum. I did okay. Will have to up it a bit during editing process. Now I have a problem. She's at point B and there's a problem. Of course there's a problem. You can't have zombies without a problem or two. Somehow, I've lost the immediacy of the problem. It's all in one POV. Last few have been omniscient or at least 2 peeps POV. So now, I have to go be all different and do it from one person's POV. Wouldn't want things to get all easy now, would we?

So, as I'm stuck, I've done some playing with my friends, networking, and crocheting. Yes, I crochet, in case you missed that before. I sort of forgot that I hadn't done this afghan yet for my Husband's birthday, which is now past, so have some serious hooking to do...

*scratches head* something in that last paragraph is jumping up and screaming at me. Anyhow, I will have to get busy tomorrow, or do some serious editing so I can do a short excerpt on Friday :) I have decided definitively to self publish my sci-fi fantasy stuff and concentrate on the other stuff with agents. *Sigh* sometimes it's rough being so prolific. *runs and ducks from the flying books and laptops from the fellow writers*

I'm also an artist. I'm going to design covers and release two books stimultaneously, I think... in about a month, unless I can squeeze photoshop and website out of the budget friday...

Thanks to all the wonderful people who have supported me and the other authors we have in our community! I will be referencing back to the Feb 1 post to help those writers throughout the month. Please go support them as they work hard to put out quality...

Signed,

The Ellipsis Dragon Queen

Friday Excerpts

I'm thinking of doing this regularly. You have to be careful in this day and age of ebooks, but since I usually put up raw, unedited relatively small amounts, I'm in the clear. I think. LOL One of the reasons I put up the raw version is so that it never completely matches the finished versions which I send to agents/publishing houses. And always a random selection LOL It would take some serious work to find and piece together the excerpts that I've put out from my wide and various writing projects!

Intro: This is an excerpt from my newest project, the dark paranormal female noir. Backstory: She kills zombies. Only these zombies don't look like zombies yet. They have the virus and killing instincts, but are smarter, faster, and sexier than the average human until the final stages. I know, new twist, not tradition lore, yada yada, but I love my new book. Here's a taste for my female PI zombie killer.


Gal Friday Noir Series Excerpt


"I'm never submissive. Think you can handle a woman like me?" She thought he was going to fall to his knees. She had issued a direct challenge. She could see the lust in his eyes and the evil pull to his mouth as he imagined breaking her to his will. Side effect of the virus? Maybe. But she figured him for evil before the taint of zombie started in him.

"I know exactly how to handle a woman like you," he replied in a voice that shook.
Good. She had him now. Too arrogant to think a woman might have the same powers he did. "Why don't you follow me outside, honey. We can do some," she stopped, leaned over to his ear and whispered. "Talking."

He grabbed her hand and started pulling her to the front exit. She pulled him back in such a way that he whipped backed to her eye-to-eye. He was nearly panting from his lust.

"Not that way, honey. Out back." She tugged at his hand and turned away. When he didn't take a step to follow, she turned back. "I have something special to show you." Like a Saturday Night Special. Okay, so it was a Magnum 357. Why quibble? For him, she may use her knife. More personal that way. This one was a jackass with or without the zombie virus.

He leered at her and followed her back like, well, she laughed to herself, like the lamb to the slaughter. Only in his case, it was more like putting down a rabid dog before he hurt anyone else.

She swayed her hips as she walked and kept a low hum going. Hearing her voice would keep him in a semi-hypnotic state and easy to coerce. She had one last test to perform. One that she detested. She had to kiss him. Damn the accident. She was given psychic powers. Knew a certain amount without ever touching anyone.

But the deeper probe into the brain? She inwardly cringed. She couldn't kill him until she was one hundred percent sure he was a zombie, and not simply immune like herself. That meant kissing her target. Her working theory was the mark let their guard down the smallest amount, but it was enough for her to get in and see the mind.

She quickly dropped the one step to the back alleyway. She turned and slowly backed her way towards the dumpster. His eyes glittered and reflected a hardness that he had hidden from her earlier. Oh yeah, she was going to enjoy killing this one. How many others had he hurt or killed? Now for the final test.


Like her sass? I love her. She's my favorite character so far. It was Damian, the half-demon with a soul. Of course, she's all new and shiny and I just finished a long session of edits with Damian. Hmmm, now that I think about it, their both my favorites! One male, one female!

All comments, critiques welcome. I love input. Iiiiiiinnnnnppuuuuuuuuttt. Sorry. Eighties moment there. :D Have a good day!