Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Friday Excerpts--Gal Friday Noir revamped to 1st

I know I'm a little early for west coasters, US, but my other friends in Europe are already into Friday :)

I'd like to thank everyone who helped me in my transfermation from third to first. This is early in chapter one. I think the first paragraph here is about the fifth in chapter one.

I've not started any real edits yet so it's still pretty raw. But the first person is really rockin' in this story. Tell me what you think :)

Gal Friday Noir

The blue suit, as I think of the slightly shorter, more dour of the partners, holds my file. I identify it from my stint in the military hospital after some freak biological substance leaked in my neighborhood. I recognize the special symbol on it.

That was back when I was still married--I put an abrupt stop to that train. It left the station a long time ago. I stub out my cigarette in the small old-fashioned glass ashtray on the desk. They obviously don't have an updated dossier on me or they never would've left me with such a hand weapon, much less matches.

I keep my hand hovering over the ashtray, in a seemingly idle gesture. I resist the urge to blow the hair out of my eyes or any other gesture they may take as nervousness. I listen to his voice drone out the basic facts.

Name, Serena L. Rouge formally Hartson at the time of hospitalization. Age, thirty now. Occupation, writer. I smile wide when he reads that in incredulous tones. I can hear the wheels turning as to how some peon of a writer gave him a black eye and broke his partner's nose.

Black suit, the one with the broken nose and truly atrocious attitude glared at me from behind puffy eyes. He speaks as if he has a bad cold due to my resistance in the parking lot. But really, is it my fault they don't do their homework before kidnapping me?

"Hey, this is serious," blue suit says as he notes my smile.

I only smile wider at his cranky tone. Needling assholes never gets old. "Since you haven't bothered to explain why you've kidnapped a citizen with no outstanding warrants or other reason to be summarily arrested, I'm not sure why you think I should take you seriously. Is that a spot of dirt under your eye?" I ask facetiously.

My anger is barely suppressed as I think of my children at school. Or home for all I know. I don't know what time it is thanks to these fuck heads and I can barely control the urge to hurt them again. It's only my extreme need to keep my secret life a, well secret, from yahoos like these that keeps me sitting in my pseudo-relaxed position.

"If you're so innocent, then why did you fight us?"

I stare at him. Is he really completely stupid? Where did the government get these guys? No wonder the zombies are winning. "Duh. Every woman is told to fight to prevent being kidnapped. You were abducting me for fuck's sake. What did you expect!"

I lit another cigarette for something to do with my hands. Plus to have a weapon ready. I notice that black suit doesn't like it. Definite plus in my book.

I know they can't possibly want the writer person, yet they seem unaware that I possess other skills. I'm confused regarding their intentions. However, any way I look at it, it smarts to be kidnapped by such as these two bumbling idiots. But they'd stuck me with a needle of something and down I went. I need to know what the hell they were using. It's hard to bring me down--ever since the accident.

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