Days 22&23

I know, I know were at day 25. I've been trying to avoid my blog.

We hatez the new google look. We hatez it precious.

But I knew the pics I was going to take. The same day it said plant a veg, I had planted lettuce in pot for indoors. The night before it said last t hing you bought, I'd actually bought something purty, instead of food.

 I earned a little money from Mary Kay. Most went to food and gas, but I did pull some out for beading needles I needed to finish a couple projects, then these items were clearanced out! The earrings I made, but the fleur de lis parts I bought with the other items, did a little bead drop, put them on fish hooks and voila! LOL I'll wear them for author photos. I keep calling them author photos cuz I need them for everything for official bios, etc. :) The crown piece I'm trying to make into a necklace with metal crochet & beads and stuff. I'm not so sure about it. We'll see what it looks like when done. I may have to start over.

The last three are from my lettuce I've planted in a pot indoors. I really like these photos. In fact, may have to paint them...with what money, I don't know. I don't need them for my writing...unless I get a commission for them? LOL

But part of why I like them is they were a gift. The other part, is they are life. I love seeing spring burst forth from the ground. I love growing things. Love even more the growing of things that will provide sustenance for my family. My yard is AWESOME. Compared to last year when I was uber busy elsewhere during this time, it's a freaking show place LOL I have little gardens all over the place, but mostly in front and back of the short ends of our double wide mobil home :D
I have lettuce/peas, etc in place that is shaded from afternoon sun and corn and toms where they'll get the afternoon sun.

Also, our fence is more than halfway done!! Well, length wise. I think we're going to have a little bit of a snafu when we put the driveway gate in. I know we need to buy hinges. or something LOL But it looks so good! I planted a couple beef steak toms and a corn stalk in one corner and will add a few other edible items as well. Trying to make that corner pleasing to the eye. We aren't going to have money to landscape much, but I'm trying to keep the weeds down and raise food for canning, etc.

As for writing, I finished my sort of secret project and am awaiting, biting nails, for the result. And did I mention I finished first round edits on the anthology submission for Breathless Press? I'm pretty sure I did, but just in case :)

I've had a VERY bad weekend. I had a bait and switch type thing pulled on me. A couple of people I know that were/are friends of my elder children came over. One asked to use the bathroom. I said no (he lives about a block away). He asked if Patrick (10yo) was here, I said no. Then he left suppsoedly to go to the bathroom at his house and the girl talked to me. About 15 min later she gets calls from male and leaves. Nate comes home less than 5 min after they leave. Told me he had said hi to them ( had pictured drive by hi's, turned out they were in the guy's yard and Nate said hi, after he said he was leaving to get pop, they hightail it to my house? Ask to use the bathroom? What the F ever) A couple hours later go to use the xbox and controllers and all our games are gone. My husband had set the controllers up when he put on his shoes to leave. This guy is still trying to deny it? Seriously? We went to pawn shops and through some miscommunication on my and Nate's part didn't get the sheriff's report filed. Which is fine, cuz we've discovered movies missing out of back bedroom where he likely climbed in the window, then out the back door which had previously been locked but was onlocked later despite our not using it. (there are no steps--another thing we need to build--so it rarely gets used by us.) Be better to have the list complete. I can't remember which movies had been out and which ones were on the same shelf as the games or were mixed in with the games or in Patrick's room where he watches movies sometimes. So hopefully, we've got a closer list now and can take it to police.

Then some other personal family stuff has come up and I'm tired of people accusing me of the things they spent their lifetime doing to me. So, I've had to let a couple family members go. The one doing it and the ones believing it. Honestly, if they knew me at all, they would know better. I am who I am. I don't pretend to be someone else in front of people. I yell, I bitch, I curse, I defend myself, I don't care who's around. I mean, I do use some discretion. I don't walk into a library and start yelling, or visit a church and start cursing, but that's called respect and decorum.

But, if someone's in my house, or I'm in a store, and my child is disrescpectful, she's going to get called on it. And the people who know me, should know, I don't play BS games. I don't do the manipulation cards, etc. If they don't see that by now, I can spend no more energy on them.

I'm writing (yay!) gardening, and soon, will paint more. On top of that, I have 3 boys still at home who need my attention and not to be sending it out to people who are like that anyway. I love my boys and they bring smiles to my face even as I'm exasperated. All this happened at a really bad time as today is the 2nd anniversary of my brother's death. Maybe that's why I'm ready to let go of people who are willing to treat me bad? Maybe.

So, focusing on happier, healthier things, and spring cleaning in all areas of life! I miss my Timmy Luke, but he taught me to live life to the fullest. I plan on doing just that!

Day 9 photo-sunset

Well, we didn't have much of a sunset and my hands wouldn't quit shaking and the thing I was standing on so I could see the sky, well, it was shaking too! LOL here it is, this evenings sunset (you REALLY have to look for the little itsy bitsy piece of pink in between the cloud lines. I know it looks kinda blue in the twilight, but that's not sky. It's clouds. Sigh.

LOL it looks like blus sky...maybe I'm wrong...maybe the pink was the clouds that were left...earlier it was mostly clouds... :P grrr

I painted two paintings today, Passion Restrained or Restrained Passion. I keep going back and forth! lol

With a close up of the flower:

And I don't  have title for this one, but it's done from a photo I took while on the way to or from Cannon Beach at Multnoma Falls. It's gorgeous, if I do say so myself :P LOL It just came together like it's supposed to! If only this chapter I'm writing would do the same!

I can prove I've been writing cuz when I took my day off, I had 12,600ish and now I'm at 15, 400ish. Just slow going today!!! I finished the chapter after the difficult one but it feels sort of stilted. I'm hoping the painting will have released the rest of my inhibitions to go deep and now I can dive in again!! I posted a small blurb of the last chapter on my FB page. It's not as striking as the others, but it's a pivotal moment. The heroine, Lisa, has been pushed to face her past, not hide from it and is getting  help from a roommate/patient/friend staying at her house. I'm hoping to push her a little more in the rewrite. Now, back to poor Lance...

Day 6 of Photo a Day

Ha! Bet you thought I forgot. Well, sort of, but not really. I skipped breakfast and lunch cuz tired. Not smart with the way my sugars are, but, it's what happened. Now, what does that have to do with forgetting or not? Today's theme was lunch. Well, I didn't have lunch. So I took a picture of our empty fruit bowl. We eat our fruit fast, but mostly, the apples are in the fridge anyway LOL

So, here's today's Lunch photo. Mayhap I'll title it: The Forgotten Lunch LOL (hey at least it's not a picture of moldy food with that title!! LOL)

I finished writing that difficult murder scene. I'll have to do some major adjustments during edits, but it's out there. It was emotionally draining. So, I cleaned the kitchen (been not getting as much done as I had previous weeks. Sick kids are physically and emotionally draining as it is), washing under the counter top appliances (things kids never seem to do no matter how old they are :P) and rearranging dishes that aren't put away in the right place. And, I painted. I needed to be expressive, not careful, so I tried my hand at abstract. I have a hard time doing abstract cuz I keep trying to make it look like--something. But I was so emotional, I just let it ride. Here are the pics:

This one^^^ is Zombie Madness and the one below is Medicine Man.

Medicine Man is available here in my Etsy Shop. Now, if you don't have an Etsy account, contact me privately and I'll worki with you. Zombie Man isn't available yet, unless you live close enough for personal delivery.

I was telling a writer friend about my painting and writing. If you've been following my blog, you know I NEED to do both. If you're a writer or a painter, then imagine having something you HAVE to do X2. If I go too long without writing, or without painting, I get lost, stressed, and depressed. If I go without both, I'm completely miserable. It's a very symbiotic relationship for me. I can't not do one. I doodle, write on notepads, whatever's handy to get it out. What are some things you do when you can't write or paint for a length of time?

I wrote a few paragraph's today, went through some scenes in my mind, and did what I always do when not sitting at the computer--think about the next time I'm going to write and what needs to happen. LOL

Now, I'm going to do a painting from scratch (probably finish all but minor things) that's 24x30 and if I can still move my arms, I'm going to finish two that have had underpaintings done. Then, when those are finished, I'm going to write. A lot. and paint a little. Today was my day off. :D (I still wrote a bit!) Sometimes, you need to give yourself permission to do that.

Thanks for a thanks :)

http://vampwritergrrl.blogspot.com/2012/01/lbushman-studios-on-etsy.html

This linke will send you to Robin's blog. She's encouraging everyone to buy home crafted items, to support families like mine, and thanking me for the items she has received.

This woman has, even through her own personal turmoil, helped me when I most needed it. We lost a lot of money when my daughter was in the hospital. My husband didn't lose his job, but he was only 6 months in and had already used most of his sick/personal days up. He had to take the one extra day he had of personal time before FMLA kicked in, so he did get a bit, but other than that, he didn't. Between the extra gas, money for me in the hospital, his time off work, and a medical garnishment that started that month, we were down about 3/4-1month's pay. That may not seem like a lot, but to us...it hurt. So I started trying to sell my paintings. My friend told me about etsy, how to go about everything, was my first customer and told me so dos and don'ts.

I didn't make much, but I did get enough to get gas money for my husband to get to work before the next payday. What I gained though, was confidence. Confidence to put my stuff out there. I still haven't made as much as we lost at that point, or enough to pay for any of my other medical bills, but I have had that little bit come in when I needed it most. Almost *all* of my money I earned has gone to gas and groceries. Very little back into my art. I need to do that now and my next sell, I'm buying yellow and green paint LOL She's also been encouraging in my writing and a fellow groaner as we cut/edit/look for just the right word, and dream!

Between her and my MIL, I can believe in myself even when I don't.

Thank you!!

Cage Match

It's on!!! Fantasy in the Cage Match sponsored by Al Boudreau is on! It's myself and my CP partner, Anne-Mhairi, better known for her pink mice :P she's @AMhairiSimpson on Twitter! I'm @L_Bushman in case you don't already follow me :D


So what's up? He gives a writing prompt--basically sets up a scenario, and us writers write a 2k word story in 24 hrs (or less, since I believe he's putting this on EDT and I'm Pacific :) He then posts our stories up with a chance for you to vote!!

Have Mercy

That title makes me think of a song. I just realized how long it has been since I blogged. Someone needs to whip me. I have lots of good excuses (two day jobs, writing deadlines, painting commissions and closing week of husband's play) but the real problem has been my internet. I've been paying 70.m for an aircard that works like crap and now after YEARS and YEARS of using this, they started charging roaming. This card was grandfathered in to the free unlimited everything. Well, I didn't mind the slow internet before cuz it was what it was. But they're going to charge roaming for a netflix movie that we can't watch half of cuz the playback time is too slow? Get real. So I've cancelled that card (not officially because I want more time to pay the bill which I'm afraid to look at) and it quit working lik 75% of the time. Found new bundle thingy, but have to do it in steps cuz of money. So, should have internet at home by middle to end of October, depending on installation stuff.

We're getting Satellite internet :D yay! Will be good and fast all the time. NO more crap from towers down and stuff. Although, sounds funny to me that we're getting satellite internet when there's a satellite due to fall out of the sky, yanno?

Anyways, I have had trouble with my borrowed laptop. Fixed for most part, but I lost my notes on the fantasy story I'm doing for Splintered Lands, which is worst than losing the story that I'd already written (except for one glorious scene. I think the original word descriptions and pacing was better than my rewrite, but ce la vie. Anyhoo, I've re-written over 6k already. only 90k more to go :P Also need to rework part of a short, but I figured out how I can do it without changing the flavor when I reread their information. I'm excited! I keep forgetting to download the ongoing to a jumpdrive, so should be getting on that as well. ON top of that, I've had another painting commissioned!

We've had a few spider bites, the worst on my husband recently again, a bit of asthma trouble, but otherwise, we've been doing alright. My kids are now excited about the internet stuff even though it's a little ways away. We'll be able to have more than one computer on the internet at a time!! yes!

So, after you've whipped me and scolded me, you going to forgive me for taking too long to blog?? Please?? I did do a short update on my website, http://www.leonajbushman.com/ so does that count? lol It feels good to be back in the writing mode even if I can't share my triumph's and angst with the social world while doing it. I sure miss twitter...trying to do it on phone, but that stinks :P

How've you all been??? Anyone getting any wonderful writing or painting done??

THE DAY JOB part 3

I gave you all the gist of my horrific experience with a day job that sucked the soul out of me. Since then, I've had a baby with Down Syndrome, and have gone through some pretty stressful stuff. But, I don't let it suck my soul out anymore. I'm learning to catch it when it starts happening and hold back the tide until I've turned it around. But that doesn't mean I don't struggle or have bad days. It means I don't give up.

The only hard and fast rule I have is this: NEVER GIVE UP.

Easy to say but what are some things to do? Not only for managing your time, but finding the emotional energy for writing? First of all, get it in your mind that you don't have to be the next Stephen King or Laurell K Hamilton to be a success. If you write books, you are a writer. I've written literally multiple posts on being a writer, mother, wife and one was dedicated specifically to the whole are you a writer question. In order for any of the other tricks writers have learned to work, you have to believe it yourself.

So what can you do to help you attain your goal of writing?

If there are others around to help with household chores, remember to delegate.  No matter what anyone tells you, having your teenager do dishes isn't child abuse. Having your spouse help isn't an imposition. Take turns. Cooking and the like should all be rotated. It may take a chart for your family to work out who needs to do what when. Plan your meals. For some of my OCD friends that means down to the last grain of salt, but I mean, do your shopping ahead of time. Get everything prepped. Have a day that's dedicated to prepping meals for the weak. (You're going to find out that the things I'm going to share with you sound similar to what I suggest for nano. That's cuz it's all about finding more time to do more lol)

Make your goals clear to your family. If your writing for stress relief, to eventually get published, for self-publishing, whatever, tell them it's important to you. Hopefully, they'll understand and be supportive. That's the best case scenario. Worst case scenario they resent "your little hobby" and moan and complain about how "they have to do everything around here" and you have to fight for your right to be a writer. A real pain in the tush, but there ya' go. It is what it is.

So, you've prepped your family, told yourself to shut up and write, now what?? You're exhausted, the ideas that were flowing through your head at work seem to have gone the way of Beta videos. A strong coherent thought that fizzled instead of taking hold like it should have.

Carry notebooks, tape recorders, or PDA, whatever you're comfortable with and will actually use. Get those ideas down! Also, write or read on breaks. Do something for your writing. Which brings up the next part.

Writing is more than putting words down on paper. Or on the screen. It's a full scopic of things to do from marketing/networking to research on top of the stringing words together part. So, when looking at your writing time, be sure to include those things. READ. A lot. Then read some more in whichever genre you're wishing to write in and intersperse that with books or magazines on the craft. Look at blogs, become a part of the community.

The writer's community is a huge one, and by and large a supportive one. There's always a few bad apples, or peeps who get their feelings hurt too easily, or are easy to take offense. Learn from it and continue on. The rest of us are humans wanting to support our fellow humans. You'll need that support when the going gets tough. It's not an extra thing to do, it's a necessity. When one of the writers I followed got divorced, I cried. Seriously. I hurt so much for her. Then another got the deal of the century from her first series, I cried happy tears, she so deserved it. Why? because these writers have been blogging and sharing themselves with us and connected to us in the outside world. We've all been at the beginning. A dream. A wish. A thought.

Even if it's only 10 min here and there, if you write on those breaks and just before you go to bed, pretty soon, you'll see a collection of words that add up to something. You may think it's a pile of dung. If it's your first book, there's a better than half a chance that's true, but you have to take the step. Learn from it, practice your craft. Soon, you will be better and what comes out of your mouth won't be "I wish I had time to write" it will be "I have to do my writing for the night." or "I'm writing in my spare time." or "I'm following my dreams."

Find a way to write. I waited way too long. During the time at work, if I'd taken more time to paint and write, the stress of it all would not have affected me as badly. I would have been happier, even with all the same stresses at home/work. I know. Writing and the writing community just pulled me through every parent's nightmare. My family that pulled together for me were important, but they were going through it as well. You will be amazed at the support you find.

So, we've got you thinking you have the right to write, your family, whether moaning & groaning or cheering used to the idea, and your cheer leading team of writers all there waving pom-poms. But you still have THE DAY JOB.

The soul sucking day job that makes your head hurt, your heart cry, and your soul wither. Seriously, if your job is like that, keep looking for a new one. Even if you're not a writer, no one can live with that for very long. But in the meantime, how do you get yourself to write? Keep a blog, a journal, a diary, what have you. This may sound silly, but think about it. Call it your warm up exercises. Call it whatever you wish, but pour that poison out of your soul. If you paint, paint it out. Do something that will take the poison and leech it out of your being. Get, It. Out.

Soon, the writing will flow easier. Like I said, you might think it's drivel. It might only be a few hundred words, but it's something. As you practice, you'll get faster, get more words out in same amount of time. When you get stuck, DO NOT SAY WRITER'S BLOCK, simply do research, edits or read and let your mind work on what's wrong. There are many things to look at, plot problems, characterizations, yada yada, but that's for another blog post. For now, do something related.

I promise you, that if you start with these few simple things, you'll feel better about yourself, your prospects, and you will start to want for more. That first taste will help you to find more times to write. To give up that favourite TV show for an extra half hour to write. It will happen if you want it to.

Follow me on twitter @L_Bushman I have a crazy sense of humor, am sometimes down about money, family life, and stress, and talk to people all the time lol Very rarely are people bored around me on twitter. They may be infuriated, shocked, appalled, laughing, snickering, loving, but rarely bored. Plus, I have a CP who is as irreverent as I am and I think people follow us just to see what's going to happen next. ;P

I have an abundant number of writers/agents/editors that I follow/RT to help you start your twitter journey if you haven't already. Now, let's take advantage of being in a free country and follow our dream!!

Happy Fourth of July!!!

The voices in My Head

I'm working on edits now for The Splintered Lands anthology. Yeah!! Also working on other edits/new scene writing. Still working on voice now. I have to wonder how other writers do it. You send an MS off for subbing then write other stuff. Each MS improves/changes depending. And I'm having a hard time shifting gears from hard ass zombie thriller to Paranormal romance. The biggest difference is the main characters.

One's a tough broad who kills zombies. The other is a doctor/healer caught up in the midst of a war that has gone back generations. She's also an outcast in many ways and only accepted into her pack (werewolves) cuz she's a healer and another pack member has foreseen that she'd bring the Ulfiric of the rival pack to them. Much different characters. Both strong but in different ways. And right now, due to my personal life, the warrior persona is easier for me to identify with.

AS an EMT and mother of kids with special needs and serious health issues, I can normally identify fine w/ my healer character. It's why the voice was so awesome to the editors who liked it. I am having some luck w/ reading out loud to find voice. Will do more tonight when my childrean are at MILs house!

Oh and the Splintered Lands anthology?? Is a fantasy. So talk about different voices LOL Yes, I'm crazy. I love to write. I write what I want to write. Maybe that'll change when I get an agent/bookdeal, but for now, it's just me. I love to read all genres. I do mean ALL genres. Therefore, I write in all genres.

So, here's to a weekend of many different voices and lots of artwork. (I hope! I put my Etsy stuff on a Memorial Day Weekend sale :D Wish me luck lol)

How's your weekend shaping up? How many voices do you get to hear this weekend! LOL

How strongly do your real life emotions affect your writing? How well do you categorize things? I'm normally pretty good at it. It's why I can write so many genres. I'm having to look for a way now to put it back in the box, when normally, it's easy. Does that ever happen to you? How do you deal with it?

Betrayal and Writing

We've all experienced it on some level. Our friend/spouse/family memeber betrays us. It can be anything from telling an embarrassing story in public to allowing another person to come between you and getting hurt by things said and done as a result. This would include cheating spouses and the like obviously.

As you have probably noticed by my morbid and sad ballads, I have felt some of this betrayal as of late. It is human betrayal. Being a writer helps me to put a spin on it and incorporate it into something constructive. It can make a writer's work extremely powerful and the person reading it will get sucked up in the emotions with you.

My Ballad to Screwed Up Love touched a lot of people. Some commented, but more told me via twitter, or in person. We've all been there. Someone else comes into a loved one's life, and through their influence you are hurt. Whether it's because they cancel on you when you were looking forward to going to that game with them, or they quit communicating the way they used to, the change is hard.

What happens when the betrayal isn't a 'human' betrayal. Like death. I recently lost a stepdad that I didn't know extremely well since he lived across the country. However, the times I've been with him he was kind, strong, and supportive.

History: I'm adoptive. My birth mother freaked out when I was young (I believe she had post-partem depression which was rarely recognized 30 years ago) and ended up working in a casino in another state. There she met this guy. He turned her life around and they came back and tried to do right by her kids, less than a year later. To me, that's a HUGE turn around. He was good. (The State said no, so sorry, too bad for you, and let us grow up believing our mother never cared enough. My one sister is still so full of hatred, she can't hear it and let the knowledge help her heal. The STATE needs to be shot over some of the shit they pulled re my and my siblings adoption and how it was handled.)

She has been with him ever since. Thirty years. Now he is dead. This kind, gentle man suffered so much at the end. He was diabetic and suffered all the worst things that happens to those with bad diabetes-blindness, loss of limbs, gangrene, and the list goes on. And now he's dead. It feels like a betrayal to have someone good be gone early.

My brother died just under two years ago. He was the best of us (which I think I've said before :) and he went first. Why?

When bad things happen to good people, don't you feel like it's a betrayal? But from who God? The fates? The universe? In some ways, that kind of betrayal is harder to work through.

I write. I paint. I do a lot of things. I hug my children more. The emotions brought on by death are powerful, strong, and deep. Use them. Use them to write better, to give more emotion to each word in your manuscript. Words are power. They can heal, wound, and even kill. As a writer, we have the power to move people when they let us into their life. As a writer, we are given a special tool for dealing with harsh emotions. Use it to impact others, but also heal yourself. Use that gift to help you not only get through the emotions yourself, but anyone else going through it with you.

Recently, I've seen a writer's voice be stifled, if not silenced, because they were 'writing' for approval. They were worried about not offending someone. The work that is then done, is weakened, watered down and loses its impact on the reader. It also loses the ability to touch the author and help them heal.

Whether it's a strong emotion you are working out by your writing, or a piece of your story that you need to write for your character, worrying about the approval of others will only stifle your voice, cause you to lose creativity, and you get stress out constantly wondering if it's okay to write that. NO, NO, NO!! The buck stops here!

Not only am I going to quit worrying about the myriad of people who will see my writing, I'm going to write how I feel and I'm going to do my best to impact those around me, those who read my words. I dare you to do the same. In return, anyone who needs a partner in this, from being held accountable, to beta reading, I will do it. For anyone who comments here or emails me, I will be there with them as they are truthful to themselves, their story, and their emotions.

I will critique the story to make it a better story, not a watered down version of what could be. Honest, helpful critiquing. I will let you bounce ideas off me as you work out situations. I ask, in return, that you do the same for me. Don't let me chicken out and water down a powerful scene because of fear of what someone else might think.

The comments I get on here, that let me know about typos and ask about the meaning (like Hope's recent comment *waves hi :) are awesome. It may be out of context issues, but it makes me go LOOK and make sure that it is explained well in context and that I haven't skipped something vital because I, as the all knowing goddess of my book, already knew it!

Seriously, who is with me? Who will help us writers to bring back the power of our words!

Who is up for the dare? Who feels challenged enough to face the fear and get back to writing with impact?