So, in my blogging, I've tried to walk this line where I kept most of this about writing, or relate it to writing. Most of the time, this hasn't really been hard since writing is a passion for me. Sometimes though, it was a mood killer.
I tried to make the blog more and more about writing, trying to keep less of the personal end of things out etc. It wasn't working for me. I wrote this blog to help myself, and others, who are struggling as moms, wifes, and day jobbers, to also get time for themselves and their passions. Recently, someone (The great Kristen Lamb) pointed out that unless your trying to platform yourself as a writer who writes for writers, you'll be targeting the wrong people. And there goes the lightbulb.
I'm still going to write about writing. I mean, it's what's important, but I'm going to find me a hook...was thinking of doing a crochet/craft type hook (yes pun intended :D) but not sure I could write about it in a way that reflects how I write my stories. So while I search for that ever elusive hook, I'll keep on as I started--writing for those people out there struggling to find time for their passions. Writing is only the tip of the iceberg.
I think I've mentioned before, but years ago, as in 12 :) I was a realtor. Yep that was what I was doing when I married my husband. And now, my husband's aunt has offered me a job as her assistant. I may end up licensing all over again. Wouldn't that be an interesting circle. What's really funny is that I quit my Real estate job to work at doctor's office with this same aunt.
Life is funny sometimes... And, she initially hired me (yesterday) to mostly do work from home and part time it for her and by end of day I'd been told I may end up working for more peeps as an assistant. I may end up in the office more than one day a week. This fall promises to be busy. Unless I get rich overnight for some reason (like a hundred thousand people by my books in the next week:) and move away from the wapato school district, there is no way in hell that I'm putting my kids back in school. Even if we move away I might not. It was way too stressful (see earlier reasons why me finding a job is hard) and my Down Syndrome child is getting benefits from having the boys home and learning in front of him. My husband works 10+ hour shifts, one of them on Saturday, so I'd be able to work 2 days withought any problem with sitting and the schooling. More than that, there will be some serious thinking and planning on my part. My mother inlaw has college degree so could over see their daily work if I went in one more day and I could play catch up/check their work that night. My kids know, if they don't do the minimum work I want them to do, then they have school Saturday and Sunday. State wants minimum hours and I want minimum work/results. If they don't meet those criteria they know the consenquences.
How ironic is it that I find a job that will allow for me to work from home and work around the schedule and has potential for real money right after posting about how hard that would be and how unlikely I would be to find someone who would understand about my family's health issues (including my own) and where I can do most of the work from home? LOLOL Wish me luck at organizing everything. Thankfully, I just finished a rewrite, and have a cursory editing session after CP checks for grammar errors before sending it off to the editor who requested it. (keep your fingers crossed their as well!) That means I'm on a bit of inbetween time and can spend the next week on a major learning/refresher curve for Real Estate without losing any real momentum on my writing.
I've also sent out my fantasy story to two online publishing houses so I'm on a 3-4 month wait on that as well. Perfect time for me to start a new job and learn to work it into my writing routine.
Here I go. Embarking on THE DAY JOB again. :D Move 'em out!
Showing posts with label THE DAY JOB. Show all posts
Showing posts with label THE DAY JOB. Show all posts
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
THE DAY JOB part 3
I gave you all the gist of my horrific experience with a day job that sucked the soul out of me. Since then, I've had a baby with Down Syndrome, and have gone through some pretty stressful stuff. But, I don't let it suck my soul out anymore. I'm learning to catch it when it starts happening and hold back the tide until I've turned it around. But that doesn't mean I don't struggle or have bad days. It means I don't give up.
The only hard and fast rule I have is this: NEVER GIVE UP.
Easy to say but what are some things to do? Not only for managing your time, but finding the emotional energy for writing? First of all, get it in your mind that you don't have to be the next Stephen King or Laurell K Hamilton to be a success. If you write books, you are a writer. I've written literally multiple posts on being a writer, mother, wife and one was dedicated specifically to the whole are you a writer question. In order for any of the other tricks writers have learned to work, you have to believe it yourself.
So what can you do to help you attain your goal of writing?
If there are others around to help with household chores, remember to delegate. No matter what anyone tells you, having your teenager do dishes isn't child abuse. Having your spouse help isn't an imposition. Take turns. Cooking and the like should all be rotated. It may take a chart for your family to work out who needs to do what when. Plan your meals. For some of my OCD friends that means down to the last grain of salt, but I mean, do your shopping ahead of time. Get everything prepped. Have a day that's dedicated to prepping meals for the weak. (You're going to find out that the things I'm going to share with you sound similar to what I suggest for nano. That's cuz it's all about finding more time to do more lol)
Make your goals clear to your family. If your writing for stress relief, to eventually get published, for self-publishing, whatever, tell them it's important to you. Hopefully, they'll understand and be supportive. That's the best case scenario. Worst case scenario they resent "your little hobby" and moan and complain about how "they have to do everything around here" and you have to fight for your right to be a writer. A real pain in the tush, but there ya' go. It is what it is.
So, you've prepped your family, told yourself to shut up and write, now what?? You're exhausted, the ideas that were flowing through your head at work seem to have gone the way of Beta videos. A strong coherent thought that fizzled instead of taking hold like it should have.
Carry notebooks, tape recorders, or PDA, whatever you're comfortable with and will actually use. Get those ideas down! Also, write or read on breaks. Do something for your writing. Which brings up the next part.
Writing is more than putting words down on paper. Or on the screen. It's a full scopic of things to do from marketing/networking to research on top of the stringing words together part. So, when looking at your writing time, be sure to include those things. READ. A lot. Then read some more in whichever genre you're wishing to write in and intersperse that with books or magazines on the craft. Look at blogs, become a part of the community.
The writer's community is a huge one, and by and large a supportive one. There's always a few bad apples, or peeps who get their feelings hurt too easily, or are easy to take offense. Learn from it and continue on. The rest of us are humans wanting to support our fellow humans. You'll need that support when the going gets tough. It's not an extra thing to do, it's a necessity. When one of the writers I followed got divorced, I cried. Seriously. I hurt so much for her. Then another got the deal of the century from her first series, I cried happy tears, she so deserved it. Why? because these writers have been blogging and sharing themselves with us and connected to us in the outside world. We've all been at the beginning. A dream. A wish. A thought.
Even if it's only 10 min here and there, if you write on those breaks and just before you go to bed, pretty soon, you'll see a collection of words that add up to something. You may think it's a pile of dung. If it's your first book, there's a better than half a chance that's true, but you have to take the step. Learn from it, practice your craft. Soon, you will be better and what comes out of your mouth won't be "I wish I had time to write" it will be "I have to do my writing for the night." or "I'm writing in my spare time." or "I'm following my dreams."
Find a way to write. I waited way too long. During the time at work, if I'd taken more time to paint and write, the stress of it all would not have affected me as badly. I would have been happier, even with all the same stresses at home/work. I know. Writing and the writing community just pulled me through every parent's nightmare. My family that pulled together for me were important, but they were going through it as well. You will be amazed at the support you find.
So, we've got you thinking you have the right to write, your family, whether moaning & groaning or cheering used to the idea, and your cheer leading team of writers all there waving pom-poms. But you still have THE DAY JOB.
The soul sucking day job that makes your head hurt, your heart cry, and your soul wither. Seriously, if your job is like that, keep looking for a new one. Even if you're not a writer, no one can live with that for very long. But in the meantime, how do you get yourself to write? Keep a blog, a journal, a diary, what have you. This may sound silly, but think about it. Call it your warm up exercises. Call it whatever you wish, but pour that poison out of your soul. If you paint, paint it out. Do something that will take the poison and leech it out of your being. Get, It. Out.
Soon, the writing will flow easier. Like I said, you might think it's drivel. It might only be a few hundred words, but it's something. As you practice, you'll get faster, get more words out in same amount of time. When you get stuck, DO NOT SAY WRITER'S BLOCK, simply do research, edits or read and let your mind work on what's wrong. There are many things to look at, plot problems, characterizations, yada yada, but that's for another blog post. For now, do something related.
I promise you, that if you start with these few simple things, you'll feel better about yourself, your prospects, and you will start to want for more. That first taste will help you to find more times to write. To give up that favourite TV show for an extra half hour to write. It will happen if you want it to.
Follow me on twitter @L_Bushman I have a crazy sense of humor, am sometimes down about money, family life, and stress, and talk to people all the time lol Very rarely are people bored around me on twitter. They may be infuriated, shocked, appalled, laughing, snickering, loving, but rarely bored. Plus, I have a CP who is as irreverent as I am and I think people follow us just to see what's going to happen next. ;P
I have an abundant number of writers/agents/editors that I follow/RT to help you start your twitter journey if you haven't already. Now, let's take advantage of being in a free country and follow our dream!!
Happy Fourth of July!!!
The only hard and fast rule I have is this: NEVER GIVE UP.
Easy to say but what are some things to do? Not only for managing your time, but finding the emotional energy for writing? First of all, get it in your mind that you don't have to be the next Stephen King or Laurell K Hamilton to be a success. If you write books, you are a writer. I've written literally multiple posts on being a writer, mother, wife and one was dedicated specifically to the whole are you a writer question. In order for any of the other tricks writers have learned to work, you have to believe it yourself.
So what can you do to help you attain your goal of writing?
If there are others around to help with household chores, remember to delegate. No matter what anyone tells you, having your teenager do dishes isn't child abuse. Having your spouse help isn't an imposition. Take turns. Cooking and the like should all be rotated. It may take a chart for your family to work out who needs to do what when. Plan your meals. For some of my OCD friends that means down to the last grain of salt, but I mean, do your shopping ahead of time. Get everything prepped. Have a day that's dedicated to prepping meals for the weak. (You're going to find out that the things I'm going to share with you sound similar to what I suggest for nano. That's cuz it's all about finding more time to do more lol)
Make your goals clear to your family. If your writing for stress relief, to eventually get published, for self-publishing, whatever, tell them it's important to you. Hopefully, they'll understand and be supportive. That's the best case scenario. Worst case scenario they resent "your little hobby" and moan and complain about how "they have to do everything around here" and you have to fight for your right to be a writer. A real pain in the tush, but there ya' go. It is what it is.
So, you've prepped your family, told yourself to shut up and write, now what?? You're exhausted, the ideas that were flowing through your head at work seem to have gone the way of Beta videos. A strong coherent thought that fizzled instead of taking hold like it should have.
Carry notebooks, tape recorders, or PDA, whatever you're comfortable with and will actually use. Get those ideas down! Also, write or read on breaks. Do something for your writing. Which brings up the next part.
Writing is more than putting words down on paper. Or on the screen. It's a full scopic of things to do from marketing/networking to research on top of the stringing words together part. So, when looking at your writing time, be sure to include those things. READ. A lot. Then read some more in whichever genre you're wishing to write in and intersperse that with books or magazines on the craft. Look at blogs, become a part of the community.
The writer's community is a huge one, and by and large a supportive one. There's always a few bad apples, or peeps who get their feelings hurt too easily, or are easy to take offense. Learn from it and continue on. The rest of us are humans wanting to support our fellow humans. You'll need that support when the going gets tough. It's not an extra thing to do, it's a necessity. When one of the writers I followed got divorced, I cried. Seriously. I hurt so much for her. Then another got the deal of the century from her first series, I cried happy tears, she so deserved it. Why? because these writers have been blogging and sharing themselves with us and connected to us in the outside world. We've all been at the beginning. A dream. A wish. A thought.
Even if it's only 10 min here and there, if you write on those breaks and just before you go to bed, pretty soon, you'll see a collection of words that add up to something. You may think it's a pile of dung. If it's your first book, there's a better than half a chance that's true, but you have to take the step. Learn from it, practice your craft. Soon, you will be better and what comes out of your mouth won't be "I wish I had time to write" it will be "I have to do my writing for the night." or "I'm writing in my spare time." or "I'm following my dreams."
Find a way to write. I waited way too long. During the time at work, if I'd taken more time to paint and write, the stress of it all would not have affected me as badly. I would have been happier, even with all the same stresses at home/work. I know. Writing and the writing community just pulled me through every parent's nightmare. My family that pulled together for me were important, but they were going through it as well. You will be amazed at the support you find.
So, we've got you thinking you have the right to write, your family, whether moaning & groaning or cheering used to the idea, and your cheer leading team of writers all there waving pom-poms. But you still have THE DAY JOB.
The soul sucking day job that makes your head hurt, your heart cry, and your soul wither. Seriously, if your job is like that, keep looking for a new one. Even if you're not a writer, no one can live with that for very long. But in the meantime, how do you get yourself to write? Keep a blog, a journal, a diary, what have you. This may sound silly, but think about it. Call it your warm up exercises. Call it whatever you wish, but pour that poison out of your soul. If you paint, paint it out. Do something that will take the poison and leech it out of your being. Get, It. Out.
Soon, the writing will flow easier. Like I said, you might think it's drivel. It might only be a few hundred words, but it's something. As you practice, you'll get faster, get more words out in same amount of time. When you get stuck, DO NOT SAY WRITER'S BLOCK, simply do research, edits or read and let your mind work on what's wrong. There are many things to look at, plot problems, characterizations, yada yada, but that's for another blog post. For now, do something related.
I promise you, that if you start with these few simple things, you'll feel better about yourself, your prospects, and you will start to want for more. That first taste will help you to find more times to write. To give up that favourite TV show for an extra half hour to write. It will happen if you want it to.
Follow me on twitter @L_Bushman I have a crazy sense of humor, am sometimes down about money, family life, and stress, and talk to people all the time lol Very rarely are people bored around me on twitter. They may be infuriated, shocked, appalled, laughing, snickering, loving, but rarely bored. Plus, I have a CP who is as irreverent as I am and I think people follow us just to see what's going to happen next. ;P
I have an abundant number of writers/agents/editors that I follow/RT to help you start your twitter journey if you haven't already. Now, let's take advantage of being in a free country and follow our dream!!
Happy Fourth of July!!!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
THE DAY JOB part 2
Hello, I'm back with part 2 of THE DAY JOB. lol everytime I type THE DAY JOB I hear a deep voice with quick echo and ominous music. In some ways, I find this funny--and sad.
Let's clarify here. I've had many jobs. MANY MANY JOBS. I've done and tried everything looking for a real job. Plus I've been willing to try anything to bring in extra money to keep my family from the pit of despair. Short lists of jobs I've had:
Firefighter (volunteer, but it brought in small amounts of money)
Realtor
Newspaper stuffer
Courtesy clerk
Gas station cashier
EMT
Tupperware consultant (I rocked at this until my first divorce. Was Executive manager for a while)
Realtors assistant
Catch all at radio station-did everything from fill out logs to write copy. This job was fun.
Bookkeeper
Insurance Agent (worked at same place I was bookkeeper)
Securites (this was tied into my Insurance job)
Waitress
Farm Labouror
Casino Security
This is a sampling. I'm sure there are more that I'm not remembering right now. All affected me in various ways and taught me various things. Some I can no longer do, even if I get the classes done because of my health, some you would have to pay me about a million dollars a year to do again (Insurance and waitress) and I mean gauraunteed money :P but none of them, except maybe the job at the radio station, were my true calling--writing and painting.
Now that you've seen I can work wherever needed, I'm going to tell you about the job I had the longest that was the hardest: Bookkeeping/Insurance/Securities
It started out as a part time job to help a friend with his taxes. I used to fill out my own stuff for Tupperware and told him I could learn the rest of what I needed for him. It started out as a simple job, 16 hours or less. I would take all his reciepts floating around in the boxes since 1996 (this was in early 2003) and keep him current. Also, help when payroll came around and do payroll. No sweat. Payroll twice a month for five people? Easy peasy. And it was. Nate had full time job that brought home 600/wk after health ins and daycare, I had a job and I went back to school and we started building a house. Great right?
Well, yeah. For about 2 months. Than my husband lost his job. No problem, my boss needed more help doing the insurance side of things, so I started working more hours until I was up to 40+ a week so that end of it, though tight, cuz I didn't make near as much as he did, but that wasn't the problem.
See, my boss, while a wonderful person, is a terrible business manager both financially and in dealing with personnell. He'd had me start while one of his gals were on Vacation. She was on a vacation for a month. I didn't think much of it, except knowing him for five years previously, I did call him a chicken with a little laugh. Turns out, it wasn't a laughing matter.
He was afraid of her. She was bitchy, bossy and hated me because I was white. She was, and remains, one of the most racist people I've ever met who hid it behind a cloak of polite snobbery until people's backk's were turned. She hated anyone not Mexicano. Period. She ruled her house with an iron hand and tried to do it at the office. The boss and his brother, mostly just smiled and ignored her and did things the way they did. The other gal, a proper Mexican woman (I'm using her assessment, not mine) was under her thumb and always retained a repectful demeanor to her.
Then came me. I started tracking all his money. His tills everything. He was losing a minimum of 100 dollars a week in the tills. I am not going to tell you what we discovered or how, but that five years later when he closed down, we no longer were losing money from till, but were still trying to catch up from previous years.
I pointed it out. Asked everyone to be more careful in their accounting and in tracking sales slips that needed further tracking. Asked in front of boss so they knew he wanted it, just didn't know how to explain the problem. Well, then came the woman from his auxillary office. See, I went to the other office, looking for any tax records, receipts, etc and also to fill in while on vacation...
Well, I got a LOT of comments about how she was never there, especially between these hours and these hours. So I started tracking her time cards. Always they said the same thing. A little more research and watching and taking complaints from customers reveals she leaves for more than an hour to get her kids etc, to take her mom hither and dither, go to appointments, and meet her hubby whenever she wanted to. Which is fine. One of the benefits of working for a small town employer, is they get the family thing. What wasn't fine was that the time card wasn't reflecting all this time off.
Her excuse? It's her break. My response? Your break is fifteen minutes. not an hour and a half. Bosses response, "I'll talk to her" results? nothing. He still paid out over 3k. I tracked for six months how many hours she actually worked and how much time she was paid for and showed him. Her average work week by the time we closed down? 12 hours. the time she claimed? 40+. Some people might say so what? why was it your problem. Well for a myriad of reasons.
One, he hired me to help him quit losing money and get his taxes in order.
Two, turned out he hired me to be a buffer between him and all this crap.
Three, asking me to do payroll meant that I had to make sure it was accurate
Four, when money was short, I was the first one, after him, to have to wait for a check. See that last reason there???? yeah, if I'm not getting paid for the hours I'm working, she sh=ure as hell shouldn't be getting paid for the hours she WASN;t working just because she had an elite sense of self and what someone owed her.
And it was blatant. Our daughters did sports together. I was score keeper one season. WE had a game at a place approx 30 miles from us. When the bus rolled in, at 3:40 she was already there with the grandma. So, she had to have left before 3 to get the grandma and get to the away game. NO problems there as our boss pretty much let us do anything family related if cleared it first. But then came time to turn in time cards. I took the sports scheduled, told the boss the set up then showed him how she shows not leaving until 5:30. I had proof this time. Did it matter?? nope. She honestly felt that it was her RIGHT to go to every single game AND get paid for it. That kind of mentality pisses me off.
In the meantime, the first woman I spoke of, who'd previously hated the "other" woman for the reasons I've pointed out, came to like her. They both bitched about me. What did they have to bitch about?? I was all of the sudden there, making things come to light that they'd rather have been kept hidden. The first woman retaliated in a hundred little ways. Taling about me badly in Spanish thinking I didn't know any. I don't know a lot, but I know the basics and the more business I did in Spanish, the more I remembered. When it didn't deter me, (remember, husband lost job soon after I started. Was kind of stuck) she began to retaliate in other ways. Letting her children use my computer after hours, which no one was supposed to do because of the financial stuff on it. She tried to deny it, but I had the auto-fill feature on and could show the boss her kids' names on stuff. Then things would disappear. Then came the big retailiation--bleach.
The office was in an old strip mall. How old? It was a cinder block rectangle. There was water and electric hook up, but no ventilation system. We had a thin strip at one end. One day, I come in while they're cleaning and start having trouble breathing. They used way too much bleach in the water and were mopping the floors.
I didn't say anything. I have asthma and figured was having bad day. I did what had to be done then went home. I wasn't having bad day. I was fine within 10 min of leaving the office. Soon, she figured out the bleach thing gave me problem and went from using 2 cups in two gallons to over half the bucket was bleach. I couldn't even walk in the door without asthma trouble. The boss was torn. He liked the clean office but didn't like having his bookkeeper and now licensed agent (she was not licensed even after taking multiple classes boss paid for) leave from ashtma trouble (which I made him pay me for anyway cuz he didn't do anything.) Finally, I told him it was an L&I issue. she wasn't using the chemicals properly and he either did something or I walked. I had been trying to get another job, any job, but I was over qualified for most or they didn't believe I'd take the cut in pay. So we took all the bleach out fo the office and the aerosols because of same problem and replaced them with pretty smelling pine sole and the other spray air freshner. Same brand, same smells, just not aerosol.
Guess what happened? She brought her own bleach from home. By this point, I hate my job. I've been given tons of responsibility, no authority, and he wouldn't pay the taxes as I suggested. And I wasn't getting any back up. His reason? didn't believe in nepotism. I just about had a stroke. Literally. I felt my blood pressure rise, my eye ticked and the fury just went beserk. By this point I'd gone without a check on time mulitple times. Doesn't believe in nepotism??MY ASS. IF I CAN SUFFER CUZ I'M YOUR FRIEND YOU CAN SURE AS HELL STICK UP FOR ME! yeah. not a good time all around.
I called L&I and confirmed the improper use of chemicals issue, yeah 2 gallons of bleach to mop floors isn't good. seriously, she was only adding water cuz she thought she had to, but it was barely a cup or two by this point. Then she started leaving the nail polish and nail polish remover lids off after spraying her hair with aerosol hairspray on mornings she knew I was coming in for a meeting, purposefully trying to give me an asthma attack so I'd have to leave. How do I know it was on purpose? Well this super fastiduous, non clumsy person, left one out on the desk and the polish? She dumped it out in her garbage can. And no, where here garbage was located under her desk, there is no way she accidentally spilled that much in there without getting it on her clothes/legs, her chair, or her desk. I confronted her and my boss this time. WE're talking almost four years of this by this point.
When my boss tried to talk to her she said I needed to get a new nose. Multiple times, she said this. My asthma was immaterial and everything she heard from our boss only gave her ammunition. The last time, when the boss showed up before she'd really covered her tracks, the boss gave me money out of his pocket and told me to go home and take my kids to the movies later and he'd deal with her.
She ended up calling L&I herself and found out that no, you're not supposed to use chemicals other than how instructed on labels, no you can't use chemicals from home just because you don't like the ones the boss provides, and no, you're not supposed to be doing anything, espiecially not on purpose, that gives your co-workers health issues.
She hated my guts and quit cleaning the office, so I ended up doing it. I hired my daughter to help after going throught the pain in the ass process of getting a minor license. (it really is a HUGE hassel. you know any company that hires under eighteen give them your support. They're going the extra mile-no ten miles- to make that possible.)
I HATED MY JOB. I HATED MY WORK ENVIRONMENT. I tried writing in notebooks. At first, it helped. I tried writing on the computer on my lunch breaks and before scheduled work time. My home computer had bit the dust by then. I'd get started but couldn't find the creativity to continue. I was tired. Emotionally, physically, and psychologically.
I took a couple of art classes which also helped. But it was hard to find the time or energy to paint either, especially after class was over. I had written a story in the mid 1990's which I typed up on an old word processor. I'd found the print out and looked into self publishing. It was expensive. I was trying desperately to find a way out, but the energy to write couldn't be found.
Side note: During all of this, I also had a thyroid problem which kept getting down played as a goiter and turned out to be cancer. I was tired all the time. I finally had surgery becaue the "goiter" got large enough to be considered a serious breathing problem (doc said prob stress of job because I'd branched out as my own insurance agent and the stress had quadrupled. I was trying to get away!) The resulting lab work proved that I had cancer despite the multiple biopsies that had said negative. I had to get another surgery done and then radiation. Then I was on low doses which increased until my current dose.
Then money forced him to let people go. Those two women ended up going. Mainly because their husbands had jobs and they were costing him the most. They went on unemployment, he gave them recommendations for new job, and we struggled to get taxes paid and the tills back to where they needed to be.
a few months later, he rehired the woman from the other office--without mentioning it to me. I found out when time cards were put in. I was livid. I'd just bought a car after confirming with him we weren't hiring anyone else or back because I knew if we did, I wouldn't be able to count on my check on time. (I was right!)
So yeah, creativity was so washed out by this point, I'd forget I ever wanted to be a writer until I'd come across a story I'd started. Then sadness would fill me and I'd determine that I was going to try and write. A few more pages would get written but then the will would be there, but nothing. I'd sit and look at a blank page. Why? It wasn't writer's block. It wasn't fear of the blank page. I just couldn't be creative. My job was sucking the life out of me. I joke about a muse, etc. but I'm really of the mind set that you can write, edit, learn or do something to improve your writing even if you're not in the mood. Even reading in your genre as it's a necessary part of writing. But there were times I couldn't even read. I tried to keep doing other things, like crochet. But it took a five day hospital stay for asthma in order for me to be able to do that. I got a good deal finished on the heirloom Christmas Stocking I was working on. And yes, I finished it lol It was the second one I've done. With babies and my eyes, it's hard to do them now. I need good glasses, good light, and free time from kids, but yes, this fast and loose, highly disorganized person is excellent at cross stitching.
Finally, the agent retired and I was forced to quit working for him. I quit my insurance job as I'd been offered a job at the sherriff's office, which didn't happen because of the previous job. The details of which I'm not going into because I'm still looking for a lawyer. (You know a good business lawyer in WA state I have an EXCELLENT case for libel. Specific repeated libel that cost a government job) Any ways, I got out of the job and since I had more time on my hands, I did firefighting again and started writing.
My first querly letter went to Jessica Faust. It said something like this. "I've written a Harlequin Intrigue. You want to see it?" I kid you not. I'd been able to find enough information with the little skills I had to know you needed one but not enough information on how to write one. She was kind. Very kind. In fact, now that I know what's entailed she was deliciously wonderfully beautifully considerate and compassionate. She will always hold a soft spot in my heart :) I progressed from there. Each year, I've gotten stronger and more defiant to those around me regarding my writing. I make time for my kids, but I've become vocal in telling them all I need to write. They need to do their chores without me hounding them (especialy the teens) and the last six months, I've become absolutiely rabid about it if I don't get my writing time. My daughter's near death and other health problems put it on hold for a bit, but it never went away. I've learned a lot about myself and writing since that time.
Class discussion: What could have been done differently on my part to help me find time for writing (and painting or whateverit is you love to do)? What attitudes do we need to bring to bear to our writing because others won't? I wish that I understood now, what I understood before. I'm going to use that to show you what NOT to do, and how to get yourself where you want to be. So please, comment!
Let's clarify here. I've had many jobs. MANY MANY JOBS. I've done and tried everything looking for a real job. Plus I've been willing to try anything to bring in extra money to keep my family from the pit of despair. Short lists of jobs I've had:
Firefighter (volunteer, but it brought in small amounts of money)
Realtor
Newspaper stuffer
Courtesy clerk
Gas station cashier
EMT
Tupperware consultant (I rocked at this until my first divorce. Was Executive manager for a while)
Realtors assistant
Catch all at radio station-did everything from fill out logs to write copy. This job was fun.
Bookkeeper
Insurance Agent (worked at same place I was bookkeeper)
Securites (this was tied into my Insurance job)
Waitress
Farm Labouror
Casino Security
This is a sampling. I'm sure there are more that I'm not remembering right now. All affected me in various ways and taught me various things. Some I can no longer do, even if I get the classes done because of my health, some you would have to pay me about a million dollars a year to do again (Insurance and waitress) and I mean gauraunteed money :P but none of them, except maybe the job at the radio station, were my true calling--writing and painting.
Now that you've seen I can work wherever needed, I'm going to tell you about the job I had the longest that was the hardest: Bookkeeping/Insurance/Securities
It started out as a part time job to help a friend with his taxes. I used to fill out my own stuff for Tupperware and told him I could learn the rest of what I needed for him. It started out as a simple job, 16 hours or less. I would take all his reciepts floating around in the boxes since 1996 (this was in early 2003) and keep him current. Also, help when payroll came around and do payroll. No sweat. Payroll twice a month for five people? Easy peasy. And it was. Nate had full time job that brought home 600/wk after health ins and daycare, I had a job and I went back to school and we started building a house. Great right?
Well, yeah. For about 2 months. Than my husband lost his job. No problem, my boss needed more help doing the insurance side of things, so I started working more hours until I was up to 40+ a week so that end of it, though tight, cuz I didn't make near as much as he did, but that wasn't the problem.
See, my boss, while a wonderful person, is a terrible business manager both financially and in dealing with personnell. He'd had me start while one of his gals were on Vacation. She was on a vacation for a month. I didn't think much of it, except knowing him for five years previously, I did call him a chicken with a little laugh. Turns out, it wasn't a laughing matter.
He was afraid of her. She was bitchy, bossy and hated me because I was white. She was, and remains, one of the most racist people I've ever met who hid it behind a cloak of polite snobbery until people's backk's were turned. She hated anyone not Mexicano. Period. She ruled her house with an iron hand and tried to do it at the office. The boss and his brother, mostly just smiled and ignored her and did things the way they did. The other gal, a proper Mexican woman (I'm using her assessment, not mine) was under her thumb and always retained a repectful demeanor to her.
Then came me. I started tracking all his money. His tills everything. He was losing a minimum of 100 dollars a week in the tills. I am not going to tell you what we discovered or how, but that five years later when he closed down, we no longer were losing money from till, but were still trying to catch up from previous years.
I pointed it out. Asked everyone to be more careful in their accounting and in tracking sales slips that needed further tracking. Asked in front of boss so they knew he wanted it, just didn't know how to explain the problem. Well, then came the woman from his auxillary office. See, I went to the other office, looking for any tax records, receipts, etc and also to fill in while on vacation...
Well, I got a LOT of comments about how she was never there, especially between these hours and these hours. So I started tracking her time cards. Always they said the same thing. A little more research and watching and taking complaints from customers reveals she leaves for more than an hour to get her kids etc, to take her mom hither and dither, go to appointments, and meet her hubby whenever she wanted to. Which is fine. One of the benefits of working for a small town employer, is they get the family thing. What wasn't fine was that the time card wasn't reflecting all this time off.
Her excuse? It's her break. My response? Your break is fifteen minutes. not an hour and a half. Bosses response, "I'll talk to her" results? nothing. He still paid out over 3k. I tracked for six months how many hours she actually worked and how much time she was paid for and showed him. Her average work week by the time we closed down? 12 hours. the time she claimed? 40+. Some people might say so what? why was it your problem. Well for a myriad of reasons.
One, he hired me to help him quit losing money and get his taxes in order.
Two, turned out he hired me to be a buffer between him and all this crap.
Three, asking me to do payroll meant that I had to make sure it was accurate
Four, when money was short, I was the first one, after him, to have to wait for a check. See that last reason there???? yeah, if I'm not getting paid for the hours I'm working, she sh=ure as hell shouldn't be getting paid for the hours she WASN;t working just because she had an elite sense of self and what someone owed her.
And it was blatant. Our daughters did sports together. I was score keeper one season. WE had a game at a place approx 30 miles from us. When the bus rolled in, at 3:40 she was already there with the grandma. So, she had to have left before 3 to get the grandma and get to the away game. NO problems there as our boss pretty much let us do anything family related if cleared it first. But then came time to turn in time cards. I took the sports scheduled, told the boss the set up then showed him how she shows not leaving until 5:30. I had proof this time. Did it matter?? nope. She honestly felt that it was her RIGHT to go to every single game AND get paid for it. That kind of mentality pisses me off.
In the meantime, the first woman I spoke of, who'd previously hated the "other" woman for the reasons I've pointed out, came to like her. They both bitched about me. What did they have to bitch about?? I was all of the sudden there, making things come to light that they'd rather have been kept hidden. The first woman retaliated in a hundred little ways. Taling about me badly in Spanish thinking I didn't know any. I don't know a lot, but I know the basics and the more business I did in Spanish, the more I remembered. When it didn't deter me, (remember, husband lost job soon after I started. Was kind of stuck) she began to retaliate in other ways. Letting her children use my computer after hours, which no one was supposed to do because of the financial stuff on it. She tried to deny it, but I had the auto-fill feature on and could show the boss her kids' names on stuff. Then things would disappear. Then came the big retailiation--bleach.
The office was in an old strip mall. How old? It was a cinder block rectangle. There was water and electric hook up, but no ventilation system. We had a thin strip at one end. One day, I come in while they're cleaning and start having trouble breathing. They used way too much bleach in the water and were mopping the floors.
I didn't say anything. I have asthma and figured was having bad day. I did what had to be done then went home. I wasn't having bad day. I was fine within 10 min of leaving the office. Soon, she figured out the bleach thing gave me problem and went from using 2 cups in two gallons to over half the bucket was bleach. I couldn't even walk in the door without asthma trouble. The boss was torn. He liked the clean office but didn't like having his bookkeeper and now licensed agent (she was not licensed even after taking multiple classes boss paid for) leave from ashtma trouble (which I made him pay me for anyway cuz he didn't do anything.) Finally, I told him it was an L&I issue. she wasn't using the chemicals properly and he either did something or I walked. I had been trying to get another job, any job, but I was over qualified for most or they didn't believe I'd take the cut in pay. So we took all the bleach out fo the office and the aerosols because of same problem and replaced them with pretty smelling pine sole and the other spray air freshner. Same brand, same smells, just not aerosol.
Guess what happened? She brought her own bleach from home. By this point, I hate my job. I've been given tons of responsibility, no authority, and he wouldn't pay the taxes as I suggested. And I wasn't getting any back up. His reason? didn't believe in nepotism. I just about had a stroke. Literally. I felt my blood pressure rise, my eye ticked and the fury just went beserk. By this point I'd gone without a check on time mulitple times. Doesn't believe in nepotism??MY ASS. IF I CAN SUFFER CUZ I'M YOUR FRIEND YOU CAN SURE AS HELL STICK UP FOR ME! yeah. not a good time all around.
I called L&I and confirmed the improper use of chemicals issue, yeah 2 gallons of bleach to mop floors isn't good. seriously, she was only adding water cuz she thought she had to, but it was barely a cup or two by this point. Then she started leaving the nail polish and nail polish remover lids off after spraying her hair with aerosol hairspray on mornings she knew I was coming in for a meeting, purposefully trying to give me an asthma attack so I'd have to leave. How do I know it was on purpose? Well this super fastiduous, non clumsy person, left one out on the desk and the polish? She dumped it out in her garbage can. And no, where here garbage was located under her desk, there is no way she accidentally spilled that much in there without getting it on her clothes/legs, her chair, or her desk. I confronted her and my boss this time. WE're talking almost four years of this by this point.
When my boss tried to talk to her she said I needed to get a new nose. Multiple times, she said this. My asthma was immaterial and everything she heard from our boss only gave her ammunition. The last time, when the boss showed up before she'd really covered her tracks, the boss gave me money out of his pocket and told me to go home and take my kids to the movies later and he'd deal with her.
She ended up calling L&I herself and found out that no, you're not supposed to use chemicals other than how instructed on labels, no you can't use chemicals from home just because you don't like the ones the boss provides, and no, you're not supposed to be doing anything, espiecially not on purpose, that gives your co-workers health issues.
She hated my guts and quit cleaning the office, so I ended up doing it. I hired my daughter to help after going throught the pain in the ass process of getting a minor license. (it really is a HUGE hassel. you know any company that hires under eighteen give them your support. They're going the extra mile-no ten miles- to make that possible.)
I HATED MY JOB. I HATED MY WORK ENVIRONMENT. I tried writing in notebooks. At first, it helped. I tried writing on the computer on my lunch breaks and before scheduled work time. My home computer had bit the dust by then. I'd get started but couldn't find the creativity to continue. I was tired. Emotionally, physically, and psychologically.
I took a couple of art classes which also helped. But it was hard to find the time or energy to paint either, especially after class was over. I had written a story in the mid 1990's which I typed up on an old word processor. I'd found the print out and looked into self publishing. It was expensive. I was trying desperately to find a way out, but the energy to write couldn't be found.
Side note: During all of this, I also had a thyroid problem which kept getting down played as a goiter and turned out to be cancer. I was tired all the time. I finally had surgery becaue the "goiter" got large enough to be considered a serious breathing problem (doc said prob stress of job because I'd branched out as my own insurance agent and the stress had quadrupled. I was trying to get away!) The resulting lab work proved that I had cancer despite the multiple biopsies that had said negative. I had to get another surgery done and then radiation. Then I was on low doses which increased until my current dose.
Then money forced him to let people go. Those two women ended up going. Mainly because their husbands had jobs and they were costing him the most. They went on unemployment, he gave them recommendations for new job, and we struggled to get taxes paid and the tills back to where they needed to be.
a few months later, he rehired the woman from the other office--without mentioning it to me. I found out when time cards were put in. I was livid. I'd just bought a car after confirming with him we weren't hiring anyone else or back because I knew if we did, I wouldn't be able to count on my check on time. (I was right!)
So yeah, creativity was so washed out by this point, I'd forget I ever wanted to be a writer until I'd come across a story I'd started. Then sadness would fill me and I'd determine that I was going to try and write. A few more pages would get written but then the will would be there, but nothing. I'd sit and look at a blank page. Why? It wasn't writer's block. It wasn't fear of the blank page. I just couldn't be creative. My job was sucking the life out of me. I joke about a muse, etc. but I'm really of the mind set that you can write, edit, learn or do something to improve your writing even if you're not in the mood. Even reading in your genre as it's a necessary part of writing. But there were times I couldn't even read. I tried to keep doing other things, like crochet. But it took a five day hospital stay for asthma in order for me to be able to do that. I got a good deal finished on the heirloom Christmas Stocking I was working on. And yes, I finished it lol It was the second one I've done. With babies and my eyes, it's hard to do them now. I need good glasses, good light, and free time from kids, but yes, this fast and loose, highly disorganized person is excellent at cross stitching.
Finally, the agent retired and I was forced to quit working for him. I quit my insurance job as I'd been offered a job at the sherriff's office, which didn't happen because of the previous job. The details of which I'm not going into because I'm still looking for a lawyer. (You know a good business lawyer in WA state I have an EXCELLENT case for libel. Specific repeated libel that cost a government job) Any ways, I got out of the job and since I had more time on my hands, I did firefighting again and started writing.
My first querly letter went to Jessica Faust. It said something like this. "I've written a Harlequin Intrigue. You want to see it?" I kid you not. I'd been able to find enough information with the little skills I had to know you needed one but not enough information on how to write one. She was kind. Very kind. In fact, now that I know what's entailed she was deliciously wonderfully beautifully considerate and compassionate. She will always hold a soft spot in my heart :) I progressed from there. Each year, I've gotten stronger and more defiant to those around me regarding my writing. I make time for my kids, but I've become vocal in telling them all I need to write. They need to do their chores without me hounding them (especialy the teens) and the last six months, I've become absolutiely rabid about it if I don't get my writing time. My daughter's near death and other health problems put it on hold for a bit, but it never went away. I've learned a lot about myself and writing since that time.
Class discussion: What could have been done differently on my part to help me find time for writing (and painting or whateverit is you love to do)? What attitudes do we need to bring to bear to our writing because others won't? I wish that I understood now, what I understood before. I'm going to use that to show you what NOT to do, and how to get yourself where you want to be. So please, comment!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)