And So It Begins

Hi *waves crazily*

I know, I know, like always it's been awhile. Well, my life has been crazy. I'm getting my health in order, though, so hopefully won't have as many lengthy times in between. It's hard starting over. One of the major things I'm starting over with is my health. For years--YEARS--I've been ignored when asking for help from doctors. Then I'd find a good one, and they'd leave. (I go to a clinic where they serve x years to get x dollars deducted from their taxes, so many, many doctors serve their time and move on.) However, I now have one that is, so far, AMAZING. He actually PALPED MY KNEE. That is to say, he touched it and the shin of the leg that is in so much pain since my sledding accident.

He took xrays. I have osteoarthritis in that knee now. Oh joy. There's a whole long backstory on my thyroid issues, weight, this knee issues that would take ten blogs. Suffice it to say, if doctor's hadn't ignored me just to say "You're fat." then I would likely not have this issue, or at least not this bad. But even before I saw this new doctor, I was determined to be healthier and started to swim. Just under two years ago, I weighed 300 pounds. I didn't look like 300, more like 250 because I stayed active, but I was. Even a few pounds over. They changed my meds, and I lost a lot of weight. They changed them again, lost more, without trying.

I decided to try...and was stuck. My thyroid levels were so low (.o3 where low side of normal is .34) that I basically had zero metabolism. Late June, they are .1 so getting somewhere, but still slow. Imagine trying to lose weight and get in shape with essentially no metabolism, or as now, very little. It's hard. I have an end goal of 180...and maybe 160...

I am struggling with that as every day I don't have 1k calorie deficit, I don't lose weight. It's a serious struggle. I've given the overview here, and I'm going to do regular updates as part of my blogging now.

Why? you might ask as it's a publishing/writing/painting blog...because, our health is part of our ability to think, to create, and part of our struggle. Low metabolism makes it harder to meet deadlines, to stay awake for normal hours, to find the energy to even go buy the materials, learn new things, market, etc. It affects every aspect of our lives. I believe other creatives are dealing with health struggles and need to know that others are out there who understand.

I am determined to get myself back. I have a goal of 180 by end of year (faster than normal because my meds are being adjusted). However, I made this goal in June...and didn't lose weight for WEEKS. I swam, started aerobics, etc. I wasn't eating enough it turned out. I started using myfitnesspal and mapmyrun and started doing c25k (loads of fun when your knee hurts like hell!). Weight came off for two weeks. I was down to 249. Then I went camping at an SCA event. Gained 9 pounds, despite NOT going over calorie goal (you know, the one on fitness pal they say is for losing 2 pounds a week...that one?), and Two of the three days, I ran 3.3 miles...which took me an hour as I actually walk/run alternately. Then this past weekend, gained six, despite not going over calorie goal one day, and only slightly over the next day. However, I have myfitnesspal set to me having a sedate lifestyle, which I do not, so it shouldn't matter. But it does because my meds are wrong.

I am working hard to be healthy, and it is discouraging at times. But I have friends, one in particular, who has been encouraging from me at all times. To all of you, Thank you. To those that need a friend, follow my blog. I will try to encourage you, share my pitfalls, my sadness, as well as my joys and triumphs. I am continuing to work hard on my exercise and eating. I have a goal to make. I am determined to walk this path and meet that goal.

And so, it begins...

Just, stuff, as I'm too tired to write more

I know I mentioned a secret project I'd sent in. Well, thank you everyone who crossed they're fingers for me!! I was offered a contract on it, a modern erotica (not a HEA, but a HRN kind of book :) If you're following my FB author page, then you've seen this news, but STILL, there it is. I'll provide the details after I've signed :) SQUEEEEE I think I questioned once, if it ever gets old. Well, three offers of contracts, and another small pub who has some of my fantasy stuff later, the answer is NO! It doesn't LOL I had big squeee! The major change is I no longer have to read it three times to make sure I didn't read it wrong LOL Now I read it three times out of pure excitement!! LOL

Anyways, I'm feeling really really good. Cuz, guess what? I got that news at the end of a long, fun day, spent in the company of my birth family and learning about where my family is from, etc. My adoption is complicated. The state made some mistakes. So my birth family never really wanted to give me up, so I'm kind of the long lost daughter :) Anyways, I got to go w/o my kids, so I got to just worry about me. And boy, let me tell you, we had a freaking blast. Jokes ran wild, involving words like, "poof" and "preparation H" and you kinda had to be there, but OMG I think I hurt a lung laughing so  hard.

Today's been a harder day, but still a good one :) I ran this AM even though I felt like crap on a cracker stuck in the microwave to explode. Benadryl, inhaler, and away I went! I have longer legs now, or a shorter behind, whichever way you want to look at it LOL I know I've lost more inches/weight even though I can't find a measuring tape because I fit into pants I couldn't fit into for the last 2 years :)

Anyways, I'll be posting the Ravaged cover again shortly and probably put it on my permanent site to see :) Going to have to figure out how to do a collage!

I had lots more to say, but I'm exhausted!! Going to try to sleep after some light reading. Hope you all had a good one!

It's Sunday, did ya know?

LOL the title is really just that. A title. Well, did  ya know it was Sunday today? Ane yes, I'm going to blog. I know it's not a big blogging day, but, been lax on the blogging last week, so why not?
I discovered something about craigslist this week. There's a place for gigs. Now that might not seem like much, but I can already see how it's going to be helpful to me. I already have an addy of someone looking for a kids book illustrator. Will have to do it under a "pen name" because of people's idiocies re erotic writers. (For some idea of what I mean by that, look at how many school teachers are coming under attack for writing about sex. I've posted about it before, so shall refrain from getting on that soap box--for the moment, anyhow.)

But still, anything to help with money, but also to get to do my art :) yeah, that would be awesome! I'm down to very few/little bits of canvases and I've quite painting. However, I've been told by my artist friend that that is wrong! I need to paint like there's an abundance, not shut it off. Also, to do more painting on paper. I'm not so good at that, but maybe I'll do more charcoals/colored pencil types.

I think I mentioned, but I've started running with my CP partner. Now those of you following along at home may be going back through old posts thinking they remember the location of my CP wrong. Nope. She's in England. It's been a week. We run at the exact same time which means in the evening for  her and midmorning for me. We've both ran in the rain, admittedly, mine was a nice drizzle whereas at least one of hers were iced over needle points, I've ran tired, injured, chest hurting, etc. She's running 5-6 times a week. I ran once week before, 3x last week, and I'll do 4x next week.

We've already proven the buddy system works. I think both of us are way better off for being accountable to each other. I know I am. I don't sleep past the time, or get distracted. Believe me, with all that keeps trying to happen at the time I'm supposed to run, that's saying something!!

I may have to walk for part of one of the run times, but I don't care. I'm going  to get back in shape before it kills me. I've wanted to for long time. But it takes emotional fortitude to starte a major change and my emotions were being all used up in life. Have let some emotional baggage go these past weeks and the changes inside of me have been incredible.

Gardening, writing, and even running, have been freed up. When my body gets used to all the extra labor, I'm sure my writing will explode! The ideas are exploding in my head, I'm just too tired to focus on them. But it's a good tired. Not the sick tired of being out of meds. At least I can go outside and see all the work I've accomplished. It's more amazing when you know where I started from and my health conditions to begin with, but even without that, I have three square plots of garden, and now a strip along the fence. Gardening is so amazing and so good for you. At it gives you something back. I'm having to condition the soil and then plant seeds/plants. For me, I feel as if I'm doing something good for the earth and the sky.

I'm not a big super stellar strict person about those things, but we try to recycle most of our cans, reuse boxes/bags, burn the boxes (which some people don't like) but that's to help burn the noxious weeds I pull. Can't even put these in the dump because the seeds spread like wildfire. And these particular weeds choke out all good plants and I'm terribly allergic to them. All good reasons to burn! LOL But also, I use the ashes in conditioning my soil. So, I feel as if I'm reducing garbage, reducing bad, noxious, sick-making weeds, and getting ashes to  help grow new, healthy, life giving plants and trees.

Reduse, Reuse, recycle. I think if we all did this, even on a moderate scale, jobs would be saved along with the planet. ;) My biggest is I reuse and reuse whatever I can :) I have a cut down poptart box that holds my character cards, did you know? LOL made out of rubber bands and a broken wire hanger. How's that for reuse/repurpose? LOL

What things do you do that make you feel good? Or that contribute to the environment? You have any tricks you've found to reuse your old items? Or to keep them out of landfills and turn them to good use like planting?

Writing and Burn OUT

I've said this to quite a number of people, but I've had it shoved into my face that I need to practice what I preach...namely take breaks.

I've been working so hard on doing the edits that I burned out. Kaputz. I've warned my CP partner, other twitter friends, anyone who says they're having a hard time. I say to these wonderful people, maybe you need a REAL break.

What do I mean by that? I don't mean a break networking, or socializing for your book or writing your blog, or doing housework (unless that unlikely chore will help bring your stress level down), or doing your taxes. I mean a BREAK.

do something that you enjoy. Talk to friends on twitter cuz you can. Play hearts online. Go see a family member. Do a hobby. Go Exercise. I'm not the only writer who knows you need to exercise, but I think we forget! Something I was doing and fell out of the habit was stopping writing every half hour to hour, depending on the flow, and getting up and cleaning. I picked up stuff the children had made a mess of, started a load of laundry, watered plants, etc. It's been harder since homeschooling since I'm already stopping every five minutes to either help them or referee or make them work.

After my daughter was hospitalized, I completely fell out of the habit. I was just too exhausted. Plus, I wasn't doing much else. I wrote, I edited, I cleaned, I played with the kids a little and I stressed. I didn't take time for me.

I opened an Etsy shop to help bring money in cuz things are so tight. This has forced me to do a little bit of artistic things, but not a lot. Photoshopping some of my photos has helped, then I started making bookmarks. I had to design them. Find the paper, find stickers/punches, make tassels, decide on beads all kinds of things. I even have done a little drawing on a couple. All of the sudden I remembered.

"Oh yeah, take a break, stupid!" I'm creative in a lot of ways. I paint, I draw (not my strong suite!), I scrapbook, I sew, I crochet, I crossstitch. Now you will notice something there--a lot of I's. They were left there on purpose. Remember to take care of you--not just everyone else. I can do a lot, but I wasn't doing anything for "I" that relieved my stress.

Plus, something I've learned over the last year or so is that if I exclusively work on one artistic skill to the exclusion of all others for too long, I will lose it. Temporarily to be sure. But my mind will shut down.

For instance: I've done a LOT of plays. I've been in them, helped build sets, and I've made so many costumes that I get woozy thinking about it. When it gets time for dress rehearsal, I'm usually trying to frantically finish them up since I usually don't have enough time from purchasing of material until day it starts. Anyway, if I spend weeks only sewing in between doing quickie no brainer meals, and do little to no writing, I will start making mistakes in my sewing, get headaches and be unable to do easy problem solve things. I apparently need to do the variety of projects to feed all parts of my brain!

Another instance: Recently, between daughter's illness, homeschooling, children's regression issues, potty training and being unable to find my meds, writing has been a grab and go. I've been printing and laminating for etsy but not doing a whole lot on the creative end until recently. All of the writing I've been doing plus the following edits, I've not left time to do any other projects. And my brain shut down.

So, I'm fixing that. I'm getting my exercise cleaning house and doing yard work. Taking my damned meds (I take thyroid meds. I had both thyroids removed from cancer so have to have them to function. Believe me when I say not finding my meds even for a day can be a major focusing issue!) and making time to do other things.

I made more bookmarks, crocheted a couple of washcloths, have more to make, and I'm going to work on more writing skills. All of these things so I can continue to write and do the work.

Writing is a job. Like any job, you need to take breaks from it. 15 min. Eat. Stretch, do more than one aspect, like the social networking, blogging, as well as the editing and writing. And most importantly. Don't forget to take whole days off. Days where your mind and body can rest.

Now don't let those days turn into weeks (unless it's a planned vacation LOL) and don't be lazy. Do your goals and what you want. You want to write five days a week, then do it. It's your goals and your dreams, just be sure that you take care of yourself. You'll be surprised at how rejuvenating even getting out to pull some weeds and plant some tomatoes can be. :D