Monday, January 31, 2011

The writing community

I love the writing community. It's so supportive. You have a bad day, you get virtual hugs. You have a good day, you get virtual high-fives. It's super awesome. You can find blogs from those like mine about the everday struggle of juggling my responsibilities of wife, mother, and part time work while still trying to make a writing career, to those that have numerous self-help and writing tips like Jami Gold's. to plain fun like @M__Mitchell that makes you think and your writing improve.

Whatever part of the writing process you need themost support in (finding time--look to blogs like mine, issues--blogs like Jami's, technical--blogs like edittorrent (grammar geeks unite!) you will find it in the writing community.

Recently, @briquinlan and @Mgbuehrlen, who run the Writer's Yardsale store support story there as well) to help sponsor their writing careers, started a design contest. Basically, they are looking for designs for their T shirts and mugs.

I did a design based on my new Gal Friday Noir series I'm writing. But I can't get the background to be transparent. (grrr. anyone knows how to do that, I'll kiss them, or not as their preference may be!) I asked for help on twitter. @Wulfie_ (whom I met through the #zombiesurvivalcrew @Jtzerzieff and chat w/ through @Jinxie_G and @PatriciaIVicens) gave me couple hints and also told me to download Picasa. So, I did. It hasn't worked on the transparency issue, yet, but it did something else totally amazing. (@grae42 and new to me peeps @joelandmandy also told me to download program paint.NET to help since it's the paint program that I originally used. Lots of good help!)

Back story. Any y'all remember my computer crashed? To say I was devastated is understatement. My brother died less than 2 years ago and I had the pictures from the last time I saw him, he was holding my baby and his baby before he moved to Georgia. Also, my baby has Down Syndrome, was born three weeks early and spent first week in ICU and then few more days in hospital (recovered MUCH quicker than doc's expected!) and all those pics were lost. I was told by guy at Best Buy (where I bought my computer and have 3 year warranty that it was gone. I decided to not believe him and haven't taken my computer in yet cuz I have friend who does information recovery.

Well, I download this program and as it's finishing installing it asks, "do you want only pics from picture and document folder or from all over whole computer" or something like that. A little piece of hope lit up in me. Could it? Would it find my old pics despite the new wall??? I put all over the whole computer. And yes, as I'm sure you've guessed now, all my pics are back! I cried and cried and cried happy tears! So many important pics, my daughters graduation, a family reunion, birthdays, fourth of july, and everyday things like my baby's face full of spaghetti in his high chair, or our family's experience at the Pizza Hut in Texas next to my husband's college/work place. So much was lost and has been found.

And it is the perfect timing. My brother's birthday is next week. Last Year. I was pretty much depressed from now until about a week after the anniversary of his death. Having these pictures may make the difference between me being able to cope and continue writing and supporting my family or not.

So thank you writing community. Thank you for all your support, love, encouragement and well wishes. I love all of you. I haven't even mentioned all my favorites here! You have been my life line since my brother died. Literally. The blogs, the community support when I'm feeling down, helping me improve my craft so that I can more effectively channel my emotions into my work, all has been of immeasurable importance to me.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Just because

This is raw form, very little editing. It's coming onto the time when it is harder and harder for me to put away hurts, pain. I have to believe my brother is out there somewhere, laughing and loving, even if not in this realm of the living.

But in the meantime, the safest and best outlet I have is my writing. I have found that writing ballads lets me tell a story, if in short form, yet get the strong emotion out so that I can concentrate on the full novel I'm working on.

I hope you can enjoy this ballad. Feel the sadness if that is where you are at and let it unburden you to know you are not alone... Without further ado, I give you Ballad number 2 :)

Who Will Save the Princess

I'm crying. My heart is broken.
I wish I was flying. But not with this token
of punishment and pain. Why do I have to hurt again?
Why is it me that keeps getting the shaft? When will it end?

Inside, I'm crying. My tears won't stay.
Outside, I'm angry. I'm mad. I'm harsh in my play.
What of you? How much do you care?
You played the fair knight with flare.

Now, you are the one storming the castle.
You're the one letting the evil in to hassle
The Princess and bring out the Sorceress, the Dragon
Of Chaos needed to help deal with the pagan.

No more will she show the softness of love
The tears have poured enough from above.
Now, the darkness shall be the one to reign.
No more will her heart be broken by this pain.

She shall mend this heart no matter how long
It takes the darkness to mend the wrong
Felt within her soul. The Dragon is fierce
In its protection and all is what it's willing to pierce.

For the Dragon has sensed that now is her time.
Now is her chance. It may seem a crime,
But it is the Princess that the Sorceress
And Dragon seek to protect with the call of Darkness.

It is the Princess' ability to love, to hug, to kiss,
More importantly, to forgive, that has kept the darkness
At bay. But now, it is the Dragon calling follow me,
It is the Sorceress holding the Princess, protecting fully.

When fare knight, your heart has found its balance,
When you are ready to stand and not be led away by a glance,
Come and claim your Princess and take her into the light.
Take her from the Dragon's womb and give her wings of flight.

For now, she will hide herself, tasting her salty tears,
Alone, in the darkness, waiting with her soul for the fears
To be soothed, the anger and blood break washed away.
In the dungeons, you won't find her at play.

She is lost to this world. Lost is the girl
The innocence and in it's place is a mural,
A flat portrayal of who the whole person meant to be.
Little will touch her, the outside realm she will notice barely.

In the depths of Darkness, there she will stay.
Whiling away and hiding her love for another day.
The Dragon of Chaos shall fight the evil of her realm.
But in her, the fight is gone. She has held up her palm.

She has said enough. Her heart hurts too much to say,
That it is fine, that all is good, that you can treat her this way.
So, to the darkness, she turns, looking for love.
She is held like a newborn babe by the Dragon and from above,

She hears the words, the voices of the prince and the knight,
but her heart will not leave the Dragon's hold until all is made right.
The Sorceress stands guard with the Dragon, giving all the evil eye,
Who come to hurt the Princess, ferocious in killing the prey.

Fierce in protecting the Princess of love, of peace, of beauty.
She will defy all and sundry to fulfill that which is her duty.
The Sorceress, the Dragon, it has always been the two
of them who has protected the Princess from the ugly hue.

"Go hither, ugly cruel world and stay away from their girl,"
They cry. Quit giving her tears and let her give happiness a whirl
Before her soul fills with hardness and hate.
Let her feel the completeness of love before it's too late.

If it's not already. She's crying, she hurts.
Bits of anger. Small bits of glad in short spurts.
Few will see the truth. She will smile and nod,
Faking her laughter, letting the Dragon prod,

When the Princess needs to come to the surface.
But for now, she will hide behind the Sorceress.
Waiting. Waiting. Waiting to see who will answer her call.
See who is faithful, who is willing to risk all.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Saturday sitcom

Ever have one of those days? Oh yeah. I just did. LOL First thing this morning I was woken up by my cat attempting to turn the knob on my bedroom door. I kid you not. He has a perch to do this from. He get's it turned half-way before being beat by the lack of opposable thumbs.

I sleepily get up and ask my husband if he'd let the cat in last night. No answer. I go check to see if window/door open somewhere and find a hole in our back door's window. A shirt was hanging out it. Not big enough for a cat mind you, but I'm a little peturbed. Then, I can't find my phone. I go to pick up my husbands phone to call it and saw a message that was disturbing so dealt with that.

So, after very little sleep, the adrenalin rush had me up and at 'em at 6 am. I finally fell asleep at my computer writing about kick ass zombie killer and the human like zombies. Not surprising I had another nightmare. I was driving my wrecked van at night and was on the run from something, and in the nature of dreams, my whole steering column disappeared and I was supposed to be driving by a half-circle screw that I couldn't grip.

I woke up at my computer desk, but the screen had gone to sleep so it was black. My mind kept looking for the steering wheel and now the lost screw. I finally was able to bring my mind back to reality and went back to bed.

Next time I woke up, the baby was up and had wanted to play. Fine. So I go looking everywhere for my phone again. No luck. Husband helps. No luck. But, did find out not only was he the one who let the cat in, but he's the one who made the whole in the laundry room window. Over ten years ago. LOL I guess it had been taped before. Yeah, we'll discuss my powers of observation later.

Finally found the phone in the laundry room. I'd apparently dropped it in my surprise at finding a shirt hanging in my back door (which is the outside entrance to the laundry room) and hadn't noticed. LOL

So, I get settled in to write, afraid to look at what I'd written just prior to falling asleep (surprise surprise she was driving and flipping someone off who had cut her off. Yeah, my character has road rage :) and my daughter's text comes through. She needs her mom. So out I go again. LOL

I feel like I'm in a weird sitcom that someone has to keep writing in drama and tension to keep people watching. But also make it funny and laughable. Yeah. that's my life in a nutshell. Cheesy sitcom drama.

Somedays, I look back and laugh at some of the stuff that happens. Like the hole in the window. Not noticing when we've been living in this house for a year and seeing a shirt sticking out it? Yeah. That's going to be funny. Some other day LOL.

How about you? Do you ever feel like you're living in a book or TV show cuz everything seems so unreal or surreal? Do you look back and laugh and wonder how/why you didn't see/notice? LOL

Friday, January 28, 2011

Friday Excerpts

I'm thinking of doing this regularly. You have to be careful in this day and age of ebooks, but since I usually put up raw, unedited relatively small amounts, I'm in the clear. I think. LOL One of the reasons I put up the raw version is so that it never completely matches the finished versions which I send to agents/publishing houses. And always a random selection LOL It would take some serious work to find and piece together the excerpts that I've put out from my wide and various writing projects!

Intro: This is an excerpt from my newest project, the dark paranormal female noir. Backstory: She kills zombies. Only these zombies don't look like zombies yet. They have the virus and killing instincts, but are smarter, faster, and sexier than the average human until the final stages. I know, new twist, not tradition lore, yada yada, but I love my new book. Here's a taste for my female PI zombie killer.

Gal Friday Noir Series Excerpt

"I'm never submissive. Think you can handle a woman like me?" She thought he was going to fall to his knees. She had issued a direct challenge. She could see the lust in his eyes and the evil pull to his mouth as he imagined breaking her to his will. Side effect of the virus? Maybe. But she figured him for evil before the taint of zombie started in him.

"I know exactly how to handle a woman like you," he replied in a voice that shook.
Good. She had him now. Too arrogant to think a woman might have the same powers he did. "Why don't you follow me outside, honey. We can do some," she stopped, leaned over to his ear and whispered. "Talking."

He grabbed her hand and started pulling her to the front exit. She pulled him back in such a way that he whipped backed to her eye-to-eye. He was nearly panting from his lust.

"Not that way, honey. Out back." She tugged at his hand and turned away. When he didn't take a step to follow, she turned back. "I have something special to show you." Like a Saturday Night Special. Okay, so it was a Magnum 357. Why quibble? For him, she may use her knife. More personal that way. This one was a jackass with or without the zombie virus.

He leered at her and followed her back like, well, she laughed to herself, like the lamb to the slaughter. Only in his case, it was more like putting down a rabid dog before he hurt anyone else.

She swayed her hips as she walked and kept a low hum going. Hearing her voice would keep him in a semi-hypnotic state and easy to coerce. She had one last test to perform. One that she detested. She had to kiss him. Damn the accident. She was given psychic powers. Knew a certain amount without ever touching anyone.

But the deeper probe into the brain? She inwardly cringed. She couldn't kill him until she was one hundred percent sure he was a zombie, and not simply immune like herself. That meant kissing her target. Her working theory was the mark let their guard down the smallest amount, but it was enough for her to get in and see the mind.

She quickly dropped the one step to the back alleyway. She turned and slowly backed her way towards the dumpster. His eyes glittered and reflected a hardness that he had hidden from her earlier. Oh yeah, she was going to enjoy killing this one. How many others had he hurt or killed? Now for the final test.

Like her sass? I love her. She's my favorite character so far. It was Damian, the half-demon with a soul. Of course, she's all new and shiny and I just finished a long session of edits with Damian. Hmmm, now that I think about it, their both my favorites! One male, one female!

All comments, critiques welcome. I love input. Iiiiiiinnnnnppuuuuuuuuttt. Sorry. Eighties moment there. :D Have a good day!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Ever have one of those days?

I can't imagine you haven't. You know the type. First off, you have to get up at 4 am to go pick up husband. You find out that teenage son used up 15 of the 20 bucks of gas you put in car night before in prep for all the driving to be done. Then, when you get home, you try to go back to sleep cuz the 2-4 sleep was not what you'd call enough! but you can't. You talk to your husband, watch a little netflix, yada yada, and next thing you know, it's 8 oclock and all you've done is a little dozing.

Then, you get up late. The kids aren't doing what they are supposed to do if they wake up before you, ie eat and chores, even though you bought cream cheese strawberry pastries for breakfast. You get them moving and they cry and whine cuz you're making them eat! Really kids? Then nothing is where/how its supposed to be. you're redoing work you've already done. Every time you sit down to write, your children start fighting/screaming even though you just threatened to ship them to Zimbabwe if they do it again. You don't get a shower until 530 pm and while in the shower, the water drizzles to nothing. Then you find out the concentrate gallon of shampoo and conditioner you bought forever ago is actually two big bottles of conditioner?

You do to auditions and are on stage just as extra but get told to speak and you speak in an English accent, even though there's no reason for it? yeah, that one actually shocked the director LOL Good thing I've worked with her before!

Then you get home after 45 min driving and guess who's sleeping? Yep the two year old night maniac. Guess who's going to wake up in 15 min? So, yeah, one of those days for me...Okay, it was 2 minutes cuz I had to tell my other kids to shut up and go to sleep and he heard me... Sigh.

Worst part was not getting to write. All the extra discipline issues, travel time, etc translated into no writing for me. I did get to open up the file and guess what I found? A fragment sentence and the start of a new sentence as "The" and then white space. I kid you not...

I will try to write tonight... but since 2 yo is crying is flipping head off cuz he wasn't ready to wake up, I'm not holding my breath. Instead, I'm going to think of my story and how to make it even more awesome than it already is. I will write in my mind. Writing. Better than Calgon any day!

What do you do when you have one of those days? How do you keep your chin up and writing goals in mind? To help me, I'm going to think about which snippet to use as an excerpt tomorrow. That will make me happy :)

Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Wednesday is here :) I took yesterday off. I snuck in a little tiny bit of writing but, not any word count to speak of. I'm back at it today.

Well, working around Homeschooling schedule. Homeschooling is looking to be a bigger pain to get started. Flipping bureaucratic BS. I can't wait until it's finished. In the meantime, kids are truant. My kids are so stressed at school, they have asthma attacks nearly every morning and my 9 yo was throwing up nearly every morning. So they missed 1-3 days every week. It's not a viable option to try and keep them at the school until all the BS paperwork is finished. So lots of issues there.

But good news is my kids have quite having asthma attacks (not a single one since Jan 10th when I told them I'd homeschool. And the only time my 9 yo has thrown up was while taking medicine with a fever. Yeah. NO. My kids aren't going back. That is way off the scale to be coincidence. In the meantime, I get to fight the damn system and do my own stuff working from where their teachers left off.

As to my writing, I'm actually getting more sleep, the editing process whisked out and I sent the previously mentioned Manuscript to beta readers, male and female, and am rocking through the new one.

My boys have to start each day journaling. Three days writing, one day drawing. It's been very cool. My 9 yo has decided he wants to write a story and asked for more writing time :) I like to think it's my good influence!

My writing and creativity is flowing and I can't wait to write again whenever I'm away from the computer. I was at a friend's house and had to bite my tongue more than once not to beg him to download dropbox so I could work on it :)

Hope your mid-week is going better than #zombiesurvivalcrew member @RCMurphy's is... If you know her, go give her hugs...

Off to do more supervising :)

Monday, January 24, 2011

Gal Friday Noir

That's the working title of the new series I've started. I still don't even have a working title for this story! But it has to be written! 2500 words already, despite kids and auditions! Good start for how raw it is. I love it when this happens... Although, I'm not sure it's ever happened exactly like this before with me.

The closest I usually have is when I have dreams that stick with me and stories grow out of them. This time, it was some dark days, and I created an alter-ego to deal with it...This darkness translated inot an awesome story. I love being a writer!

Fait accompli

For now. Until my beta readers get done red lining it and kill it. Then I shall bring it back to life. :D

But now, I'm starting a brand new dark shiny. I can hardly stand it, but I'm having trouble figuring out where to start. I have a whole series in my head and my brain is over full with ideas! what to do first? what to show first? how to show it?? AAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA LOL It's awesome and one of my favortie parts of writing!

This is a dark female paranormal noir. Yep, I know. totally different. totally awesome. Wait until you see...

Sunday, January 23, 2011


Sundays have traditionally been days of rest. Slow days. Easy days. Right? Not in my household. For the year we went without TV it was major clean up day, including laundry. Before TV, and perhaps today, it was football!!

Then again, football was before I had concrete writing goals. Before I discovered what I am capable of. In regards to writing, I keep stretching and growing, I'm finding my nitch, but not settling in it.

My nitch seems to be dark-ish paranormal erotica. Although, my next series I start will be something new. I am still going to write the sci-fi/fantasy. Those I will publish on smashwords and kindle with my won artwork as cover. I really need to crack that whip. However, before I do that, I do need to wait for the last round of queries to respond. My fantasy made it into semi-finals of agent contest that held mostly romance, so I know it has some real potential.

Recently, I got so tired that I couldn't edit. Then we had company over the holidays. I was busy with extra cleaning and cooking. Then my dark moments, some of which inspired the ballad in the last post, took over. I started writing it out. Releasing on twitter inspiring an alter-ego that is leading to something new and dark and I think wonderful. I shall see when it's written.

Writing is a good weapon in my arsenal against falling into situational depression and it and painting is how I keep my sanity. FYI for those who might remember, I didn't do so well last year between my brother's birthday (feb 8) and the day of his death (april 25). I'm hoping that this year, since it is second year through all of this, will be easier to cope with.

The holidays were a bit easier as I found old friends. But I found out, through some weird happenstance, that I was only moving through the motions. I don't know how much missing my brother and sadness regarding my family played into it, but I'm absolutely sure it didn't help.

So hold me accountable. Many of you follow me on twitter. My phone is supposed to receive the @mentions from those I follow. You have my permission to inundate me with comments and pointed remarks about where my writing is and where the hell am I type of tweets.

My brother's death had a great impact on me. One I will always feel. He was the tie to my adopted family. So, keep me in your thoughts as his birthday approaches. I will hopefully be out of this other dark period before that day. Or at least be writing it out of my head to leave room for the extra so it isn't so overwhelming.

Keep writing, and/or whatever it is you do to keep your mind healthy :)

I'm almost finished with the first Damian book. You remember, the one I outlined then couldn't finish? The one I threw out 60k on already? Yep, that one! I will, with any luck, finish it today and send it off to my beta reader! Yay!

Friday, January 21, 2011

Ballad to Screwed up Love

Just a warning, I have been feeling a bit dark lately. This is not too bad, just not what you're used to from me.

Ballad to Screwed Up Love

Come into my parlor says the spider to the fly.
He follows though he knows not why.
He thinks he's in control, but one day he will learn.
When his heart is bleeding, then he will yearn.

For now, the comely whispers of the red-headed wench
Cause him to speak, to not smell the stench.
He tells her his dreams, his hopes, his fears
Not knowing that one day she will cause his tears.

He is tough, thinks he knows and has seen it all
But, sometimes, all is not enough to remain standing tall.
Softly the widow of love whispers, softly she calls. my love.
You hear and obey, and listen as she tells you to rise above.

See, there was one already in your life. One of whom you cared
one whom you spoke words of love into her ears and hadn't spared
a thought to another. Until the spider's whisper drew you apart.
Then your light side was afraid of the broken heart.

The other filled your darkness, called to your light.
But you were afraid, afraid to let it be right.
Then along comes the spider of pain
but she shows you only gain.

She tells you softly to let your love go.
It's not fair to her, she says as you feel you know.
You don't believe your love when she says you are enough
You don't want the pain, last time was too rough.

So you throw away a once in a lifetime pearl,
The unadultered love of your childhood girl.
You break her trust, her love and say,
This is a game, love is not how you play.

You throw away those feelings you had,
Telling yourself they can only lead to bad.
You turn back to the whispers of the other,
Telling yourself that this way is better.

Romantic love, you scoff, has no bearing on friends.
It is sad, that it may take you to the end.
The end of your chance with the one who knew
The darkness in you and that it grew.

Forever, you may be left to wonder
What you lost and may hurt as you ponder.
For one day the spider, after she has wrapped you high
Encased in a cocoon of silk, will bleed you dry.

She is subtle in her ties, subtle in her spin.
But with every step, she smells her win.
For, you fool, you have given her the tools
That ensure she will have your rule.

Until one day, you will turn and look
And the one who knew you every nook
She is gone, her love is lost, killed by the spider
Because you had not the courage to stand up beside her.

On that day, your mind will bend,
As your emotions shriek and your heart rends,
Mocking you with the remembered love.
The unconditional soul you can no longer speak of.

She will be gone from you,
Torn, bloody, because you missed your cue.
The friend never leaves and will stand,
With your boys, one in each hand.

Waiting, watching, feeling your pain.
Her tears falling over you like a summer's rain.
Hot and sweet, life giving is her joy.
But that pure love, is gone, it wasn't a ploy.

It is now broken, beaten and almost forgotten,
Under the spider's smells that you now see are rotten.
But it's too late now, you have found.
The love was lost when you weren't around.

Dammit lol

Okay, I have shared internet, and the other persons account keeps switching over to the one they have to pay for instead of the unlimited. without telling her. So, now, today, we have caught up :) My next blog will be a ballad. not the same ballad I originally thought of. I was holding the baby at that point, and when I was finally able to get up, it was gone.

The following is still okay, but the original was more... emotionally wrenching. The one I post is pretty well metered and rhymed. I hope you like it :D