Monday, May 30, 2011

Avoiding the Grief

It's the third Memorial Day without my brother. I've lost other loved ones before--through death, life choices, etc., but this one hurt the most. The first memorial day I felt so lonely and bereft I could hardly stand my self. The second one, I was feeling better compared to the three months of grief I'd spent from his birthday early February to after the date of his death, late April. But it was still something else.

Also, I was grieving for the loss of a friend of 25 years. One whom I'd believed in, loved and grown up with who turned out not to be the person I believed her to be. I don't mean we grew up into different people, I mean she wasn't the person she pretended to be to anybody. I was grieving for the friend I'd thought I had. That person was effectively dead.

This year, I'm not as sad as the first, but I still miss him terribly. I'm over the deep grief of the friend and it's more a depressing thought in passing rather than a life changing mood. My stepfather died this year and I'm now grieving for the near loss of my daughter physically and the loss of her emotionally. Some know the extent of things and some don't. Thankfully, I have friends to help me through the darker moments.

So, today, rather than hang about and dwell on matters that hurt, including my friends who have undergone such a recent tragedy themselves, I went and helped a friend who's back is injured to plant a garden. We put in a cajillion tomatoes, peppers of two different kinds, planted a variety of seeds then petered out :D

It was a pretty good day all in all. I hope that everyone who is currently experiencing the deep wrenching grief of the newly lost loved one, and all those who are remembering those lost were able to feel some light or hope for the future. I was able to avoid the deep grief that tends to overwhelm me and therefore hope others have as well.

Hugs to all who have lost loved ones this Memorial Day. May your year help heal your heart and fill it with love and good memories.


Friday, May 27, 2011

The voices in My Head

I'm working on edits now for The Splintered Lands anthology. Yeah!! Also working on other edits/new scene writing. Still working on voice now. I have to wonder how other writers do it. You send an MS off for subbing then write other stuff. Each MS improves/changes depending. And I'm having a hard time shifting gears from hard ass zombie thriller to Paranormal romance. The biggest difference is the main characters.

One's a tough broad who kills zombies. The other is a doctor/healer caught up in the midst of a war that has gone back generations. She's also an outcast in many ways and only accepted into her pack (werewolves) cuz she's a healer and another pack member has foreseen that she'd bring the Ulfiric of the rival pack to them. Much different characters. Both strong but in different ways. And right now, due to my personal life, the warrior persona is easier for me to identify with.

AS an EMT and mother of kids with special needs and serious health issues, I can normally identify fine w/ my healer character. It's why the voice was so awesome to the editors who liked it. I am having some luck w/ reading out loud to find voice. Will do more tonight when my childrean are at MILs house!

Oh and the Splintered Lands anthology?? Is a fantasy. So talk about different voices LOL Yes, I'm crazy. I love to write. I write what I want to write. Maybe that'll change when I get an agent/bookdeal, but for now, it's just me. I love to read all genres. I do mean ALL genres. Therefore, I write in all genres.

So, here's to a weekend of many different voices and lots of artwork. (I hope! I put my Etsy stuff on a Memorial Day Weekend sale :D Wish me luck lol)

How's your weekend shaping up? How many voices do you get to hear this weekend! LOL

How strongly do your real life emotions affect your writing? How well do you categorize things? I'm normally pretty good at it. It's why I can write so many genres. I'm having to look for a way now to put it back in the box, when normally, it's easy. Does that ever happen to you? How do you deal with it?

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Holy Cow

Just as I think things are looking up and I might not be a complete tech idiot, blogger goes balmy on me. Sorry if you haven't gotten replies on your comments yet. I can't seem to get out of the loop for anything I can't do directly from the dashboard. Confused? So am I!

Anyways, I've been so excited and wanted to let everyone know I have a serial posted on the Splintered Lands website :D

I've started writing again today and I can feel the wheels slowly turning as I dump some of the "elbow grease" I've managed to store up during this time "off" from actual writing. I did do some social networking and learned some stuff about how to update things on my websites, so I only took one day completely off :)

My kids had a good attitude day today for the most part, and that helps a lot. I hope to get the attitudes curbed around here from the teenagers' angst of being P!$$y about doing chores and helping with the younger kids. My ten yo has gotten TONS better since my eldest moved out and is slowly progressing to better, or more like a 10 yo instead of a teenager.

With Spring Cleaning Time upon us, I'm really glad to have his attitude be more family oriented. I'm going to need his help with everything even though I've kind of started the cleaining round up a little earlier this year when putting in new floors. This is the time when everything gets thrown away if it's not fixed, I don't want to fix it, or it'll cost too much to fix. Watch out STUFF. Here we come LOL

Speaking of spring cleaning, are their habits you need to fix or get rid of? Things that need repairing that you haven't gotten around to? I have a REALLY bad habit of over using the same word in a paragraph. I've decided I'm going to spring clean that out of my writing. It won't be perfect, but it'll hopefully make my CP less crazy!!

What about you? Do you have a habit or problem that needs spring cleaning as much as your closets?

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Writing and Burn OUT

I've said this to quite a number of people, but I've had it shoved into my face that I need to practice what I preach...namely take breaks.

I've been working so hard on doing the edits that I burned out. Kaputz. I've warned my CP partner, other twitter friends, anyone who says they're having a hard time. I say to these wonderful people, maybe you need a REAL break.

What do I mean by that? I don't mean a break networking, or socializing for your book or writing your blog, or doing housework (unless that unlikely chore will help bring your stress level down), or doing your taxes. I mean a BREAK.

do something that you enjoy. Talk to friends on twitter cuz you can. Play hearts online. Go see a family member. Do a hobby. Go Exercise. I'm not the only writer who knows you need to exercise, but I think we forget! Something I was doing and fell out of the habit was stopping writing every half hour to hour, depending on the flow, and getting up and cleaning. I picked up stuff the children had made a mess of, started a load of laundry, watered plants, etc. It's been harder since homeschooling since I'm already stopping every five minutes to either help them or referee or make them work.

After my daughter was hospitalized, I completely fell out of the habit. I was just too exhausted. Plus, I wasn't doing much else. I wrote, I edited, I cleaned, I played with the kids a little and I stressed. I didn't take time for me.

I opened an Etsy shop to help bring money in cuz things are so tight. This has forced me to do a little bit of artistic things, but not a lot. Photoshopping some of my photos has helped, then I started making bookmarks. I had to design them. Find the paper, find stickers/punches, make tassels, decide on beads all kinds of things. I even have done a little drawing on a couple. All of the sudden I remembered.

"Oh yeah, take a break, stupid!" I'm creative in a lot of ways. I paint, I draw (not my strong suite!), I scrapbook, I sew, I crochet, I crossstitch. Now you will notice something there--a lot of I's. They were left there on purpose. Remember to take care of you--not just everyone else. I can do a lot, but I wasn't doing anything for "I" that relieved my stress.

Plus, something I've learned over the last year or so is that if I exclusively work on one artistic skill to the exclusion of all others for too long, I will lose it. Temporarily to be sure. But my mind will shut down.

For instance: I've done a LOT of plays. I've been in them, helped build sets, and I've made so many costumes that I get woozy thinking about it. When it gets time for dress rehearsal, I'm usually trying to frantically finish them up since I usually don't have enough time from purchasing of material until day it starts. Anyway, if I spend weeks only sewing in between doing quickie no brainer meals, and do little to no writing, I will start making mistakes in my sewing, get headaches and be unable to do easy problem solve things. I apparently need to do the variety of projects to feed all parts of my brain!

Another instance: Recently, between daughter's illness, homeschooling, children's regression issues, potty training and being unable to find my meds, writing has been a grab and go. I've been printing and laminating for etsy but not doing a whole lot on the creative end until recently. All of the writing I've been doing plus the following edits, I've not left time to do any other projects. And my brain shut down.

So, I'm fixing that. I'm getting my exercise cleaning house and doing yard work. Taking my damned meds (I take thyroid meds. I had both thyroids removed from cancer so have to have them to function. Believe me when I say not finding my meds even for a day can be a major focusing issue!) and making time to do other things.

I made more bookmarks, crocheted a couple of washcloths, have more to make, and I'm going to work on more writing skills. All of these things so I can continue to write and do the work.

Writing is a job. Like any job, you need to take breaks from it. 15 min. Eat. Stretch, do more than one aspect, like the social networking, blogging, as well as the editing and writing. And most importantly. Don't forget to take whole days off. Days where your mind and body can rest.

Now don't let those days turn into weeks (unless it's a planned vacation LOL) and don't be lazy. Do your goals and what you want. You want to write five days a week, then do it. It's your goals and your dreams, just be sure that you take care of yourself. You'll be surprised at how rejuvenating even getting out to pull some weeds and plant some tomatoes can be. :D

Thursday, May 19, 2011


Noun: 1: the setting forth as of meaning or purpose (as of a writing)
2:a) a discourse or an example of it designed to convey information or explain what is difficult to understand.
b)1. The first part of a musical composition in sonata form in which the thematical material of the moviement is presented.
2. the opening section of a fugue

Adjective: 3: A public exhibition or show.

these definitions were supplied by Merriam Dictionary online

So, I am guilty of lots of exposition and backstory. Just read the aforementioned Rebellion on Piza 7 and see what's left. That's after cutting it down! Early in my writing career, the few editors/agents who gave me feedback said to much exposition and backstory.

I want everyone to know everything up front than Kablam! elimination. Lack of education. Okay, sorry for that rabbit trail through Disney's Fox and the Hound. But my point is my tendency for trying to explain everything up front meant no book expos for me! Killed my story in its tracks even though all of my stories are good. But the trick is to walk the reader through it so they can be properly appreciative of the good.

If there's too much back story and too much explanation they will be bored to tears. However, we also need some explanation. Finding that balance in the beginning is the hardest part of writing for me. (subbing, it's querying, but I'm not going there. I'd prefer a nightmare free night, thank you!) I want everyone to understand immediately all the bits and pieces that you can really give later.

So, in fixing that flaw in my writing character, I've gone to far the other way and have found myself putting stuff in :P rather interesting change for me.
I now go too far the other way! Like everything else, it's about balance.

As a reader, do you prefer your eplanations in the beginning? I find that I do like lots of details in certain genres and not others. Why is that? Or am I just weird?

As a writer, how do you handle setting up the story? Are you good at finagling the information in so it's sort of absorbed and doesn't come off as an info dump? Or do you need to practice, as I do?

And how do you know if you don't have a good critique partner? By good, I don't mean that y'all agree on EVERYTHING. That doesn't make you think or assess your work. I mean one who can say I don't like this because... or it feels wrong... or this bores me to tears...or this is awesomesauce and don't you go and change it! Someone who is willing to give you positive feedback as well as negative. If you don't have someone like that keep looking, you'll find them. Just be patient. In the meantime, take what help you find and apply it!

I'm forever thankful for those editors who took the time to explain things to me and for those editors/agents who still do!! A big thank you to all you editors and agents who help all newbie writers to become the best they can be!
I did a little pimping of my books on twitter last night. I have a book out, Rebellion on Piza 7 for those who are newcomers :D It's available through Barnes and Nobles and Amazon. It was released a couple of years ago, but I ahve a rather fond attachment to it. Go buy it on Amazon. The kindle is only 1.29 :D When I get a beautiful cover I shall up the price! (I kept copyright of the book but not rights to the cover!) I'm an artist, I should be able to do something...

Anyhoot, I'm looking at actual self-publishing for my sci-fi fantasy books and maybe a short romance line. I write so much and that's partly because I READ so much. I LOVE TO READ. I READ EVERYTHING. You will find two common elements in my books-relationships (not just romantic ones) and adventure/mystery. Adventure and mystery aren't typically classified together, but the adventures I mean are the unknown, the wild, the ones that you learn something while doing. It's like it's own mystery. So if a book has done those things real well, I'll read it regardless of its genre. I have a vampire horror story I just found that started as a writing exercise from one of the blogs I followed. I have a sequel to write. I have another sci=fi to write. AND I ALREADY KNOW THE NEXT GAL NOIR STORY.

I have a fantasy to edit, a Blaze type book to edit, a paranormal to rewrite, a thriller to edit (gal friday noir) and my devil story to edit. All of those idets are going to lead to publishing!! I have to decide which one(s) are going more tradition, indie or self publishing. So many questions and information to process.

And the opinions for/against each one!! I'd like to see some discussion for and against self-publishing, indie pubs and more "traditional" pubs. What's your take on the whole thing?

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

New website is up!

So I posted on my new website :D Yes, yes I did! A comedy erotica. It's on it's own page with a don't read if you're under 18 disclaimer. I've already gotten some good feedback on the story. It is funny!

I'll be doing more shorts and a even a serial for my fantasy friends :D I'll take requests even :D Can't promise I'll be able to fill all the many and varied requests I get, but I'll try :D

I've had a couple orders on my etsy which I'm very glad I started :D It's inspired my husband and family to do things as well. My son, who already had started making pictures to buy as soon as I mentioned the idea to my husband, went into a frenzy of picture making. We've also done a class project with the laminator after my husband was inspired to make pics with clip art for the baby's drawers to help everyone keep it straight and teach him what things are.

I've also found some good feedback and help with it that reminded me at a time I sorely needed it that I have friends. Good friends! They may be from the bowels of cyberspace, but they've proven truer and more real to me than some closer at hand. (I have a couple close by as well so don't think I'm dissing on you!)

I have finished putting the paper edits on the paranormal I need to turn into a novella/novel along with the notes of where to add scenes into the computer. That sentence needs editing, but for the life of me I can't think of how else to say it. Anyways, I've also edited severely for like the hundreth time chapter one of Gal Friday Noir as well as a rewrite, and started the tense fixing of the rest of the novel. Found some good tricks as well :D Should be ready by the time an agent actually asks for a full anyway LOL

I love being so productive. Tomorrow I'll go through the paranormal on paper again and start writing scenes by hand. I shall have to be careful of my writing as I could barely read the chicken scratch I used last time!! I have become so adept at cyber writing that my handwriting skills have suffered. No more! I tell you. NO more! I shall have lovely handwriting skills. *stops for the laughter to die down* I can dream, ya' know.

I've already got the traitor mapped out etc because I was going to use it in a sequel anyway. See, when I wrote this short, i'd intended it to be a series of shorts over this one story. The things the editor has asked me to put in are things I'd plan on addressing in future works. So it's only a matter of getting them written and inserted at the proper place. A huge chunk will go in middle and at the end. But I'm flirting with the idea of having a few chapters from the POV of "the bad guys" which is why I'm doing another paper edit so soon. I think it'll help me find the appropriate places for chapter breaks and inserts.

Anyway, my child is actually asleep at 10:46 pm with no movie or coercing. Score 1 for MOM :D and DAD LOL so I think I'm going to hit the hay a little early tonight!! I hope everyone's day goes well and you all are productive where you want to be.

PS don't forget about my website :D love to see you there!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I wrote a bloooooggg :P

Looks like I'll be getting some sleep after posting this :D My new site is up and running and starting one day this week, I'll be posting blogs over there as well as here. Not the same blog, mind you, although they'll most likely be related somehow. My mind wanders where it will and that's what I'll write about. The blogs I try to force are the ones that come out as the most unintersting.

I have so much writing on the horizon that I'm doubly glad I got over the stress blockers! I have so much to do!

Which reminds me, I have a serial to polish and send off! Now I have to remember what my CP tweeted me about it...only something minor so no biggie. he he.

My brain should feel fried. You know how hard I worked on editing today? hard! but it was worth it! IN the course of my writing career, I've gone from too much back story to not enough details except when I like to throw the double adjectives in :D Mostly, it can work in the thriller genre, but I also write fantasy. It will NOT work there. I'll have to work on it.

I'm thinking that before I had to put my life on pause during my daughter's recent illness, I'd thought of having a special day of the week dedicated to writing mechanics. Is there enough to fill a day aweek? possible. I shall try :D

For now, I'm going to go get that sleep I'm craving! You think about back story and exposition because I do believer that's what we're going to tackle first in a very open forum! I'll also have the grand opening of my website very soon!! Stay tuned for details!b

Monday, May 16, 2011


It's monday. My kids are up even though it's after midnight. I tired out the 2 yo so he'd sleep tonight. So what did he do? Fell asleep at 6 and woke up at 9:30 :P LOL

He's a lot like the character's in my books. I'd like for them to do one thing and they laugh at me and pull something else. *sigh* At least I can threaten to delete my characters! What's a mom to do with a 2 yo with that kind of sleep habits!

He's my fifth child so I know all the tricks of the trade. He's just stubborn. *glares at everyone who's asking me fascetiously where he got that from*

I have this friend. She's beta reading for me me and she gave me this idea. And asked me if I hated her. Nope. Just ask my critique partner. I like help and good ideas. Especially if I can see the WHY of it! Does that mean I'm jumping for joy at the changes she's proposing or the way I need to go about it??? NO!! I'm groaning and eye rolling and asking myself why I didn't think of that. It's something I've done before.

I could be stubborn and say no way! but why? I want to be the best writer I can be and if this will help, then so be it. I'm going to start my first chapter from someplace new and rewrite the first chapter. Wish me luck!! I am a little frustrated because I pretty much thought I was at the cosmetic stage. Let the beta readers find out if I did a name wrong half way through or help me with a procedural error, no biggie. But now I find out I'm going to have to do something else. *BIG SIGH* No, I don't hate you, beta reader, but I sure wish I could say you were wrong!

It will have to wait until I get some sleep though. I'm exhausted.

I already did 45 pages of edits, wrote new stuff and marked where new scenes needed to be written for the paranormal, Ulfiric's Mate. Ought to be interesting to see if I can do the rest of the story in the same manner. I think I can...

PS I've beaten the stress freeze and rolling right up to hot! Here we go.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Is stress stopping you?

So after posting my Friday excerpt, I read it. And guess what I found? Errors. Yep. That's the problem with changing tenses :P

Oh well, I think I fixed them. We shall see. Waiting to hear from the lovely Anne-Mhairi or my other reader who was kind enough to explain all the POV issues. I'm trying to convince myself I'm not going to destroy this one during edits which is my worst quality as a writer. I have a paranormal that I have specific recommendations of what to do (not put an i her or an e here but add to this part of the story, etc.) and I'm afraid of messing that up as well LOL

I need to breathe and do it. Part of the problem is my family really needs the money, so I'm feeling the pressure twice as bad. I can't afford to mess up my two best stories I have going on right now.

Anyone out there have that problem? Does money or time pressure you into being afraid of messing up? For me it's not time, but I've heard that can be bad. Share with me your stories and what you do to decrease your stress-besides eating chocolate. I can't do that 24/7. My hips have vetoed that option! lol What do you all do to relieve stress?

Friday, May 13, 2011

Hello there :D

It's good to be back on. Now, even with the advent of blogger being gone for most of yesterday, I told my husband that people still managed to get to my blog. He said they were people from the CIA LOL that even with blogger down, they could get to me :P

I think he's been reading my MS again LOL

My CP really likes my MS in the fppt (first person present tense) so I did a little digging. And all recent books that I've bought have been in first person (past tense verbs)and really, that's where I kept trying to go. I spent a lot of editing time making it fppt and now will be going back the other way. I thought I had lots of time, but I've already received a negative on it! So, might not have as much time to fix a problem I didn't know I had until now. UGH but, at least now I know. FPPT is apparently not a well liked form of POV writing.

My story is so good that it'll still be good as I rock the changes. Sound a bit conceited? Well it's the truth. I've had books I've liked before, and felt I could make them workable, sellable, what-have-you, but this one has been special. Maybe we'll see how special.

All the time, I'm learning new things. it all affects my writing on one level or another. But how many times do we over correct? I'm hoping I'm not making that mistake with this book. We shall see.

I'm nearly finished with changes in first chapter. I'll post here for today's excerpts:

Gal Friday Noir:

My hair is stuck to the side of my face, the drying sweat making me uncomfortable. I'm already pissed off because I don't know what's happening with my kids. Pissed and uncomfortable are not good bedfellows. Not that these assholes care. I need a shower, for starters. Maybe a nice, rare steak ready for when I get out of this hell hole and back to my kids. At least they let me have my smokes.

I looked at man in the suit gazing down at me. I felt his distaste as a palpable thing. I'm dressed in what I call my 'day clothes' since they nabbed me in broad daylight with no warning. Believe me, that wasn't easy. Acid-wash jeans, old t-shirt and Nikes made up my public persona, my mom face. But that wasn't the person they were looking for.

No. They wanted the person in the file they were holding. I lean back on the old wooden chair and put my feet up on the matching desk. I'd a moment's unease as I wondered if the brown stain was coffee-or blood. These men were an unknown to me.

The blue suit, as I thought of the slightly shorter, more dour of the partners, held my file. I identified it from my stint in the military hospital after some freak biological substance leaked in my neighborhood. I recognized the special symbol on it.

So what do you think? It's the newly revised first person. It's also the beginning of my book. You like it? Feedback please :D

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Yo Yo

So much of life is ups and downs for me right now. I've almost forgotten what it feels like to be on cruise control :D

Writing has been on back burner for two days. I had a really bad headache yesterday. After five minutes on the computer, I'd feel sick, so I did a bit of hit and run on twitter yesterday and concentrated on my art side of things. Printing out pics when I could stand the computer, and cutting, taping and laminating the stuff together when I couldn't. I did get a few things done...until I ran out of tape. What happened when I ran out of double sided tape?

Well, I had to stop and did some clean up. I love how my art and writing work together for me. Being out of tape is like being out of words. I might have these wonderful characters and ideas, but if the words are lost, they're going to sit there in a jumble until I can organize them and tape them all together to form a cohesive thought.

Sometimes, having that day off can rejuvinate my writing. And it will. I'm feeling it now. I'm going to write the first installment of the serial for splintered lands so we can get that up and running. I'm also going to watch some Doctor Who or Supernatural depending on what mood I'm in when I sit down to do some paper edits.

Then I'm going to REWRITE the MS I just finished. I learned something new about frist person and the difference between it and first person present tense (didn't know there was a difference. UGH) So, wish me luck in my endeavors. One day I will pay it forward as it has been for me.

As writers, we all pay it forward. There is so much free advice out there--some of it's even good :P --and we all give freely. We want each other to succeed, even as we want success for ourselves. Of course, like any group of people there are bad seeds out there; you just hope you don't fall under the shade of anything that grows from that seed and that you stay under the boughs that grew from the seeds of knowledge of the rest who want your success!

I wish you and yours peace and prosperity as we move forward. Especially to my friend who's grandpa has cancer. Love Ya little sis of my heart...

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Life's betrayals

I reposted via twitter the post on betrayal and writing. I'm feeling a lot like that now. I've come around to wondering a bit more. What if your body betrays you? My daughter's body is betraying her. Confilicting problems that keep them from being able to fix one or the other. Now? Her heart is having to work very hard, her leg is huge, and her fever spiked. We've come down to low-grade fever, but what the hell?

So back into the ICU we move. Thankfully, I finished the story I've been working on and had that positive boost today. So much is going on and there are things that aren't for public consumption. But more, I've started wondering.

I know I can take all these negative emotions and channel them into my writing and art. I can also do it for strong positive emotions. I did that post about how a writer's voice was silenced out of fear, but what if that voice is silence because they're hiding from themselves and playing at being happy?

What if their voice is silent because they're not being true to themselves and the lie is closing their mind from the artistic side in charge of writing? Should you allow people to live in that false reality. My daughter is young. Her body is compensating for all the radical problems, but what if it quits? It's something I have to face. Despite the specialists and consults and new opinions no one can fix her. The doctors and nurses are worried about her and want to make her better.

They're trying hard, even thinking outside of the box. But what about the extended family? How do you make them face the fact that modern medicine, with all its miracles, doesn't have the answers. Do I let them hide behind their anger and belief that a bigger hospital will help, or do we tell them the truth that nothing can be done and her system is failing and they have no reason for it?

There's some hope that she'll recover. She's young... that's the best thing she has going for her at this point. Is it a betrayal or is it looking at things in the best light to maintain hope?

Does false happiness by necessity cut us off from certain parts of our brain so we can function? From creativity? I don't know.

What I do know is that I hope that I never get so false to myself and how I feel that I can't write. Or write honestly. It would suck to have to write what someone else wanted instead of what's in my heart. I don't mean edits. I mean told to write happy sappy when I wanted to write horror.

Write. Write. Write. Write what you love, what your heart feels. Don't hide behind falseness.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Friday Excerpts--Gal Friday Noir

Well, technically it's Saturday, but I didn't have access to my stories or the internet at the same time yesterday! :D

Exerpt from Gal Friday Noir: Mayhem in Mexico (newly finished at 82k!!) ahem, excuse me while I squee. Okay, I'm back :)

Main character knows her kids have been kidnapped but hasn't seen them yet. (This is a zombie thriller, although you don't get to see them here.) As you'll see, this doesn't make momma happy!

I stare at Gene, sure that my anger is visible on my face. My teeth hurt because I'm clenching them so tight. But just in case he needs a little motivation, I let out the full force of my Immune powers. My anger flows out so strongly, that even Joseph steps away from me.

The two guards that came out of the same office as Andrea at the time I unleashed my anger both duck and stay down as if they had incoming. Andrea and Gene on the metal landing above us step away from the railing in shock, their backs hitting the other side with a twang. Gene quickly recovers and steps up to his previous position.

"Of course you'll see your kids immediately." He nods at the men who'd stepped out a minute ago and they two time it to a door hidden in the shadows under the stairs where they stand. I pay close attention to the knock, memorizing the pattern and the words spoken.

Two men come out, each dragging a screaming kid. I smile with great pride. Both my boys are putting up a fight. "Don, Kyle," I call out joyously and run towards them. The boys stop for a moment upon hearing my voice then both stomp on the feet of their captors and rush out of their grips into my arms.

"Are you guys alright," I ask searching their faces and bodies for sign of mistreatment. They look fine. Lucky Andrea.

"We're bored. And they're awful, mom. Can we go home now?" I grin at Kyle.

"Sure baby, in a minute," I point to the men who'd brought them out of the room. "Are they your kidnappers?"

Kyle looks at them and says, "No, they're alright. They think we're here being punished while you're doing your work." He changes to a loud whisper. "They're nice but a little slow."

I bark out a short laugh of surprise. "If it wasn't them, then who was it?"

"The guys who knocked to get us right now. Those guys are assholes."

"Assholes, assholes, balls, balls," starts Don in a sing song voice when I don't immediately take Kyle to task for cussing.

"Don, hush." I turn to the men who brought out my kids. "Where's their sitter?"
They look at each other blankly, but I see the smirk on one of the men who'd come down the metal staircase. "Where is she," I repeat.

"She's at the main house getting special treatment," one of them say snidely.
"You better hope special doesn't mean what I think you mean by it, Ace. You're already dead. If she's been hurt, I'll make you suffer first."

He starts to laugh but something about the way I'm looking at him makes him stop. I see him reassess me. Up to this point, he's been working on the assumption I'm a chump writer. I'm thinking he's not so sure of me anymore. He will be when I'm through with him. He'll have a whole new respect for mothers and writers. Too bad he won't live long enough to appreciate it.

Friday, May 6, 2011

This close

I'm so close to finishing my Gal Friday Noir! Life is trying to keep me from writing to my hearts content, but my mind will wander and do as it will. I'm writing, I'm thinking, I'm caressing my story in my mind. It's what keeps me sane during such crazy times.

Many work so know what I mean. You might have to put all your concnetration into work, but the minute you have any free mind time, it wants to write. It wants to worry on that small plot problem and how you're going to resolve it. Or you're thinking of how you're going to get your heroine out of trouble and not make a baby out of her or your hero.

The mind wants what it wants. And my mind doesn't want to contemplate the danger my daughter's in at the moment. It wants to contemplate the future, and my other children. It wants to contemplate the love of the family and friends that are out there. It wants to comtemplate the wonder of having someone care enough to wake up 22 doctors in the middle of the night to help us!!

Thanks to all of you who've helped me keep looking to the future and keeping my writing in the forefront so I can keep my sanity.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

happy days

Acutally, I'm thinking of the future. I have to the way things are going in my family right now.

However, I had an editor tell me to resubmit a story after fixing stuff. WAY COOL. So now I have to do this. The best part is it's started as a short I wrote to fit Nocturne Bites word guidlines so couldn't explore the story as much as I wanted. One of the things I wanted to do was explore more of the things they want done :D

In the midst of everything, thinking of the future is all that gets me through things and having people want my writing, like the Splintered Lands folk, and now this, is an affirmation that there are happier times to come and for everything there is a season.

As my mom said, this has been a long horrible ordeal, and honestly, I don't know of any non-cancer type thing that is this up and down and oh shit this works for that but causes this problem and in and out of ICU and not ever leave the damn hospital.

Hope. Hope is why I write. It's why I read. It's why I paint. It releases stress and proves there is hope for the future. So, as a former Cunningham, I'm going to tell you, Happy Days are coming back! soon.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


So I went to the hospital. The doctor wanted me there so good thing. Ashley has some lovely (Insert sarcasme there!) choices to make. All these choices lead to high risk of death.

She can leave the clot that goes from her ankle to her illiac and possibly higher (now keep in mind this vein was clear three weeks ago to put in a filter past the other clot!) and lose more and more of the use of her leg. (It's already swollen like her other leg.) Doing this risks having a large clot plugging her filter and starting a new clot growing on both sides of the filter (leading to thrombosis) or having a large clot slip through her filter and getting thrombosis, or for it to grow up past her "V" where the veins split for right and left.

Or she can do the procedure like she's done before, getting most of the use of her leg back (not as much as last time because they can't be as aggressive) but it would make the above problems less likely. The problem here is she could have another brain breed which almost killed her the last time. The doctor starts out the lovely talk by saying to her "I need you to listen carefully. You understand you're lucky to be alive after the last brain bleed?"

Great. And he may still send her to Seattle depending on what the Seattle blood specialist says. Are we having fun yet?

So, I need to write. I need to finish my story. I need to forget these choices if for only a little while. I need to write past the anguish. The pain, the sorrow. How many people use writing to help get out angst, kill off people who hurt you or forget your troubles by immersing yourself in your writing?

It's theraputic and much cheaper than therapy and defense lawyers. LOL

Tell me some of the stories you have of using your writing theraputically.

Help, please.

As you all know, April really sucked. Mays looking to head that way. I have started an Etsy shop to help defer costs and to help my family.

If there's something there you want a smaller size of or any of them in laminated ACEO's etc. then email or twitter me and I'll be happy to accomadate you. Thanks.

Ashley has another clot in her other leg. it's running from her ankle to her knees. They don't know what to do about preventing it and the Vascular surgeon is being called back in. The blood thinners caused the brain bleed before her blood was at the right levels and without them, she clots up. They used the forced massages on her legs and she still clotted up.

They are talking of sending her to seattle again. It's a long trip from here and can't be made on a daily basis.

so any help is good. Thanks for all your support and prayers.



Where I rant about people being rude in their opinions: specifically about sex in books and the people who write them :D

Here's a topic guaranteed to get people going-there differences. Recently, some huge terrorist figurehead and mastermind was killed. Can anyone guess who? Yeah, you guessed it. People's reactions are diverse and people's feelings and reasons for their reactions and feelings are just as divers.

Please remember, we are a free country. People should not be villified because their responses aren't the same as yours. Celebrate the right to freely express yourself without demeaning another expression of emotion. :D

This brings up something else--writing. There are many people against sex in books. Even Harlequin has a line that will not accept it. It's their Christian line. There are guidlines, more than one set, about what types of books are "Christian" and which don't fill the bill. I think this is a wonderful tool for people who don't want to read it themselves.

However. There's always a butt in there somewhere :D

The recent "scandal" involving a teacher who writes books with sex scenes in it has brought up quite the brooha. What gives anyone the right to say what someone else does outside of the classroom. It's not illegal. She didn't write that book on how to be a pedophile. Nothing in her teaching role was disrespectful. We teach sex ed in grade school and middle school. Why are people having trouble with a teacher who includes a scene in her work? What happened to the freedom to speech aspect? Are teachers supposed to quit having sex as well?? Really people.

A lot of time, energy and money is being wasted on a bruha over someone who's done nothing wrong. Get a life. Better yet, use those energies to fight true wrongs in our system. Use that energy to go give succor to the homeless, feed the hungry, I'd say volunteer at your local library but that might tempt you to start burning books next.

I'm sorry. That last statement was full of snark. I've tried to keep it down but prejudices like that are what keeps people from being able to be open and share their problems (ie rape, incest, etc) because they're afraid they'll get blamed for it. I mean, if a teacher writes about sex and gets in trouble, how much more trouble will the poor kid who's been raped and talks about sex be?? It's not the way it should be, but it's the way it'll be perceived by anyone looking for help.

So keep a lid on it if you don't like a certain kind of writing. Go buy up hundreds of books that have no sex in them to donate to your local library. Teach your kids your beliefs. Express your beliefs on a blog if you want. But don't go getting people fired because of what they do on their own time. You're crossing the line from freedom of speech to yelling "Fire!" in a crowded room when there isn't one.

Express yourself by choosing not to buy that type of book. Express yourself by writing your own book with no sex in it. Say you don't like that type of book. There are many ways for you to express your opinion that don't have to be hurtful and vindictive.

I'm using this as an example because I have no idea who this person is, or even remember the name of the teacher. I just live in an area that is just as bad and would likely treat her the same way. So, let's try not to let this kind of crap happen again.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Hey there!

So, as you all know, April was a crazy month. I missed my Friday excerpts. No worries because I will be starting that up again this month :) I've written plenty of late, although what I'm going to post this first time out after the month of silence, I'm not sure. I'll have to look for something truly brilliant. Any suggestions?

I have a website now. Pauses for the squeeing and drumrolls and confetti. Wait, that was me. Anyway, it's still being fixed. I canNOT figure out the dad-blasted WordPress thingamajig, not to mention the thesis and, and, the other thing. *wails* I'm very frustrated with the whole thing. Thank god the tech guy is a genius. And patient. And really nice. Or I'd have given up. Well, maybe not, but I'd sure feel bad about it.

So here's the website link so y'all can watch my struggle in progress., I can get email there! email me at if you have any questions, suggestions, fan love, or fan dislike :P

Thanks again everyone who helped me get through April with my chin up. Sometimes, it was a close thing. Hope you all had a great May Day :) I love May Day. And even though I've learned what some of that fun stuff I did as a kid was supposed to represent, I don't care. I still enjoy it. One of the things I did as a kid, was make paper baskets with flowers and deliver them to people. Sounds like a wonderful tradition we're going to have to start :D

Hmmm I may have a book idea out of that. I'll have to think about it some more...

Sunday, May 1, 2011

May's Featured Writers

Undead is Not an Option

I started my life with these people with two conversations that overlapped with a whole lot of tongue biting going around. If you see BMT flying on tweets, then @jterzieff or I will probably be found lurking. For those of you not familiar with the phrase, I had to come up with it due to twitters lack of space. I mean biting my tongue is a whole lot of characters and B.M.T. is twice as many characters and makes it sound like you forgot your bacon on your B.L.T. if you know what I mean.

Anyway, like so many of my conversations involving her I digress :D (Which is a fun and happy past time, but I must move on!) What started as fandom for The Walking Dead Series has turned into something huge which has evolved into a website, live cons and *drum roll please* an anthology from members of The Zombie Survival Crew

A little about the book and its authors:

Zombie love, zombie hate, how to get your killing spree on - we've got it all. When the Zombie Survival Crew organized, we realized the talent pool we had at our fingertips and decided to put together this unique volume of work by the crew members. Short stories, educational pieces, and artwork combine to take you on the zombie-ride of your life and help you prepare to "meat" any challenge.
The following authors and artists have crafted some truly haunting material examining the many terrifying facets of a zombiepocalypse and what survival will ask of all of us:

Tasmin Bowerman, Jim Bronyaur, EC, Jessica Capelle, Natalie Cutrufello, Andrew Jack, Gary James, Maria Kelly, Samantha Lahue, Sonya May, RC Murphy, Chris Philbrook, Wendy Sparrow, Kelene Toups and Austin Wulf.

We are also absolutely thrilled to announce that cast members from AMC’s hit television show The Walking Dead have graciously agreed to increase Undead Is Not An Option’s creep factor with contributions of their own!! Huge thanks to IronE Singleton, Neil Brown Jr., Anthony Guajardo, and everyone else for their participation.

For pre-orders/orders go here:

Pre-orders get a discount so get yours right away!

My next author is one whose blogged I've lurked over for some time. I was bouncing around my blogs trying to catch up on everything when I saw she had another release. She writes a fabulous mix of genres. Friendly, generous, and ready to help. Listed here is only a sampling of her work:

Marva Dasef

Mixed Bag II: All the great stories from Mixed Bag plus ten more. Science fiction, horror, fantasy, romance, literary, humor: A little something for every taste.
First Duty: Nyra Hutchings, a young woman born into a life of servitude on a repressive factory planet, is desperate for a different life. When she's accepted into the Space Service, run by the organization that enslaves her planet, she discovers the truth behind generations of rebellion. Now, she must decide what to believe, where her first duty lies, and fight for more than her life against impossible odds.
Tales of a Texas Hero: Little Eddie tells some almost true Tall Tales set in West Texas of the 1930s. Guess what's true and what Eddie fudged on. Was it about the bear? Cage McNatt's prize sow? The skunk in the cornpatch? Guaranteed for a chuckle. NEW BONUS STORY: Ma Yote and Her Cubs

Here's a link to these fabulous books and more. Just remember she writes a variety of genres. Your best bet is to probably pick up one of her Mixed Bags and see which of her styles you prefer :D

Bio: Marva Dasef is a writer living in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and a fat white cat. Retired from thirty-five years in the software industry, she has now turned her energies to writing fiction and finds it a much more satisfying occupation. Marva has published more than forty stories in a number of on-line and print magazines, with her stories included in several Best of anthologies. She has eight published books. See a complete list of her work at

Follow me on Twitter:
Follow me on FaceBook:!/MarvaDasef?ref=profile
Visit my blog at

Last, but certainly not the least, of my May's featured writers is Sharon Gerlach. I've had the honor of being published in the online magazine, Forever Nocturne, she has with @Jinxie_G as both an artist and a writer. The two have opened a new small indie publishing company. The first books out of the gates are FINALLY ready. One is even released after a bit of formatting issues with the cover.
Sharon Gerlach was in training to be a ninja, but a dismaying lack of physical grace and balance—not to mention the inability to keep her big mouth shut—ended her ninja career before it had really begun. Now she writes. She doesn’t write about ninjas because that’s obviously a sore subject. But she writes about other really cool things and figures someone else will cover the ninjas. Life’s really not all about ninjas, anyway. Sharon lives on the dry side of the Pacific Northwest with her husband (who must really be fond of her as he hasn’t left her yet despite her ninja failings); two of her three kids (none of whom possess ninja qualities either); and a Border collie who suffers the presence of seven cats. Yes, you guessed it—ninja cats!

Malakh is her first published work, with two women’s fiction novels to be released in late 2011. Be sure to check Running Ink Press’s website [] for information on upcoming releases.

The string of mutilated bodies points to a madman, but the police are stymied. Trace evidence yields no DNA, animal or human. Male, female, young, old—the victims fall without a struggle to the killer in the shadows.
For a brief time, Suzanne Harper wielded supernatural abilities and super-human athletic prowess, but that was while she had been the lover of an angel. The murders point to her former lover, and the trail of bodies tells a terrifying tale: he’s working his way to her.
Icarus, an angel who hunts those of his kind who have fallen from grace, enlists Suzanne’s help to stop the killer, for only one as close as a lover can anticipate his next move. Now she must reconcile her heart’s longing for her lost love with her sense of justice and honor, and she must do it fast … because the next murder could be hers.
And here are the links to purchase:

Amazon UK: