Query Workshop Original

Okay, folks. I took a workshop of awesomeness. I know, I know, I'm being redundant. But the workshop was awesome. http://queryworkshop.blogspot.com this is how you get there, be sure to mention me if you do it.

I'm posting the original here, with a sample comment. Then, I'll post the pretty one, LOL

Dear Spectacular Agent of Writer’s Hopes,
Cerisa sets out on a quest to kill the man who killed her father with her friend and dragon, Lucifer. When her mother reveals that she is the missing Queen, the whole land has been searching for and that the man, Lord Kyle, who has been pillaging and murdering in the name of the queen, is actually her father, she is torn between rage and the need to avenge the man she looked to as her father.
Cerisa is mage and a warrior. In order for all her powers to work at their greatest strength, she must have her heart and mind in alignment. She struggles with this as she wants to murder the man who murdered her father, and damn the consequences.

After an attack that leaves her magically vulnerable, she meets her Dragonheart, Aron. With the help of Lucifer and Aron, she convinces her mother to do her duty and claim the throne as she should have done years ago. They escort her on the perilous journey to the ruling of city of Dublinum.
They encounter both friends and foes as they race against time to beat Lord Kyle and his men to Dublinum and save not only their own lands, but Dragonland as well. They battle Lord Kyle and his men outside the Royal Court before Lord Kyle leaves with his men. The queen regains her throne and Cerisa becomes engaged to Aron, a Duke in Dragonland and saves the kingdoms of Riverhand and Dragonland. *******Suggest deleting this entire paragraph and instead giving us a one sentence statement or question delivering the stakes of the quest. i.e. "Can Carisa and her friends reach Dublinum in time to save the kingdom, or will the entire land be engulfed in war?" Or something along those lines. Feel free to use what works and toss the rest. :)


The Quest for Riverhand is a fantasy novel, complete at 100,000 words.

Sincerely,

Leona


******** Star is one of her many suggestions. Sometimes I felt like the V8 commercials (Duh, I could have had a V8)and other times like an old Calgon Commercial (Calgon, Take me AWAY) but mostly, I wanted chocolate and gin (but that was the fault of my fellow students. They kept talking about it!!)

I told my husband that I think I got the most out of my dollar compared to the rest of the class! LMAO I had to erase more than I wrote, but I didn't want to scare anyone off (or show you how bad it REALLY was if you don't know yourself :D)from taking her workshop.

So now that you've read LE Suck, read or re-read the shiny one :D