A true story

For my brother Timmy who would've laughed :D

Here follows a true story that we all are going to pretend happened to someone other than me, okay? :D

Once upon a time, a harassed, stressed out woman was driving. Her car has more than one color of doors, can't find third gear to save her life, and needs a new U-joint. Or maybe it's the Cv joint. Her leather coat needs the pockets fixed and has paint on it. She's a mother and an artist and she doesn't care about the above problems except when she has to fix them.

This woman, closer to forty than thirty, was driving along the highway where it splits. A sleek, silver, hot rod car whips around her. She shakes her head, thinking what a rash person it was to fly around people at high speeds where the free split. She was also wishing she had her mustang back so she could've given him a run. As they near an exit, he slows. She figures he probably has radar detector because everyone slows down there.

She passes him up this time and looks in the window, yes it's a him. A young, golden skinned him. She's in a pissed off mood due to family stuff that causes her to tightly clench her jaw and her hair's up in a pony tail and makeup hasn't seen her face in a month of Sundays. Oh joy.

She just shakes her head. A minute later, a white four door nothing whips past her in much the same way the sporty car had earlier. Really? Some old guy with his beard whipping in the wind out of the opened window is now passing her? She sighs then grins when she sees the silver car get into a pissing contest with the old geezer and lose.

Having laughed at him, she no longer pays attention until she ends up behind him on the off ramp. Then she passes him again as she comes up on the other lane as the light turns green. He grins like it's some sort of game. For about half mile to mile the game goes on. She just shakes her head and has a little ego inflation. Until the turn.

She's headed to McD's to pick up a quick burger on the way to the hospital. The little sporty car follows behind her. Her breath hitches. OMG the young guy thinks she wants his number! She whips into the drive-thru from the back area, the guy following her. No, wait, he goes around the drive thru down the side of the parking area.

After she orders, and pays, she sees the car. It's parked. Holy cow, is he waiting for her to leave. Dusk is dropping rapidly. What had seemed a harmless game is now fraught with worrisome possibilities. One too many CSI's seen in the last week.

She gets her food and cautiously peers into the car, looking for the driver. No one's there. She peers back into the window and sees him heading to the back. He works at McDonalds.

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL cackling with laughter, she rolls her window back up, getting a funny look from the one who gave her the drink. It's okay, she tells herself. Your imagination is why you can write so well. And speeds off into the sunset...

Ode to Sinusitis

Ode to Sinusitis

Wonderful beautiful day in late winter
You tease and taunt with your lack of bluster
The sun shining, perusing my pale skin
Like my lover's hand as he draws me in.

I laugh and play like being in love is something new.
The gentle breeze coaxes me to smile and feel spring anew.
I walk through the day not knowing,
That in the end, it is I who will be blowing.

Busy, I was, being happily grateful,
That my flat tire did not make my car pull
On a day of snow, sleet, hail, or freezing rain.
Little did I know of the soon to come sinus pain.

I look back now, my little car on the road,
And think of the trouble, the ill will it bode.
I wish I could see that the road I was on,
Was leading to me wishing for hot Grey Poupon.

As I try to fight my slow internet connection,
I was unknowingly growing my own sinus infection.
I started out as a small, teeny, tiny cold.
But then I had to fight a foe so cleverly bold.

Friends of enemies, enemies of friends,
When will the strife ever quit as some word offends.
Words written, felt and by my hand,
Yet they are not allowed the privilege to stand.

My poor nose retaliated, the extra stress
Leaving my aching body weak and powerless.
The insidious infection came, the cold hiding it well
As my body loses its strength, it starts a sneezing spell.

The liquid rolling out in waves with each Achoo
So bad I went through a whole box of tissue.
And there you sit, far up on your high horse,
Leading others around and leaving very little recourse.

My poor nose, so stuffed up, what an ugly sight is
My face as it fights of the nasty thing we fondly call sinusitis.
Puffy, pale, blanch. Worst it swells up, feels sore.
I try to talk but there is no air that through my nose can bore.

I'm left frustrated and feeling as if I'm to be meek
When you should know I am not that weak.
I will fight for my right to be who I am, what I am,
Even as I'm fighting with my head and all my received spam.

Don't talk to me of what is or is not fair,
Don't politely yell at me and talk to me about color of hair.
I am many things. I am mother, wife, writer.
I am that I am and that includes a freedom fighter.

So sinusitis that fills my head and goes after a lung,
You may try and stop the words of my tongue.
But you will not stop my right to believe
In my right to be the best friend and my friend to receive.

I may sound as if my nose is a little runny ,
But most of it has stopped up my sinus so I sound funny.
And it hurts so much to have a sinus infection,
That one could almost wish for the rise and resurrection

Of zombies, those brain eating undead beasts.
Not the breakfast food all summer camps serve as feasts.
My poor head feels under pressure, about to explode.
It puts me in tired, cranky, fighting mode.

So don't try and placate me with false promises
That you are not trying to hurt me as my sinuses
Have been torturing me. Soon you will have to make a choice.
Already you are paying a price and losing the strength of your voice.

I refuse to lie down and become someone else's ideal.
I will be me, with all that means and be the one who's real.
I will be sleeping as I can, working hard to overcome
Sinus pressure and watch for the loss of welcome.

But hear me now, O sinus infection from Hell,
That although my body's on fire and my face has started to swell,
I am the writer, fighter, the survivor, more than surreal.
I will do what I must to find the strength to heal.

So watch out O all of you full of snot and putrescence,
That soon as I'm all better, I will smell your true essence.
I will be watching, waiting, knowing that the spy is you.
But hell is waiting for... no my nose! Achoo!

a funny, update

http://www.therejectionist.com/2010/07/very-fuzzy-conspiracy-or-rejectionist.html

http://www.smh.com.au/national/feline-groovy-it-may-be-a-parasite-20100626-zauy.html

For a good laugh, you must read this, in order, and laugh out loud.

Update, I have over 53k on thriller (increase of approx 7k) I think I'm over 84k on the Fantasy, and I have MORE in long hand to translate! It is too hot in room to be on computer long enough to type in all the long hand I've done :D I am happy snappy about the word count because I have also canned/froze/dried/jammed 40 pounds of bing cherries! Will be picking more tomorrow and I am so looking forward to having my larder stocked with home made yummies!

Getting apricots this weekend, and hopefully, will be picking more in a few weeks! So lots of food. Peaches, pears, tomatoes, potatoes, carrots, beans, peas, corn, I'm planning on doing it all! Buwhahahahah

Good night, dear friends and think cooling wishes to me tonight!

Here's Your Sign moment...

Okay, I got my internet card replaced, but it is S L O W and my baby wants my attention (who knew?) So, my husband being home today, I have again gone to Safeway to write, network, etc. AS their WiFi is incredible (coffe isn't bad either, if you like that sort of stuff. :D *Waves, Thanks Safeway!

Today, they have been incredibly busy, so no one to help watch my lap top or other stuff. So, I'm trucking everything into the ladies room in a cart (I know, I know,annoying as hell, but better than getting my stuff ripped off. I'll quit as soon as the theives do!)

I waited until last minute to go this time as I was in the middle of a chapter of edits. (Only like 150 more pages of editing and four new chapters to write. No prob, right?)I go in and the handicap stall is taken so I go to last stall (so cart is only a little bit in the way) and pull my pants down.

I hadn't even had my pants down before someone is in stall next to me. I hear a loud water hitting water sound and blink as I sit. Wait. That sounds like my husband... Am I in the right restroom? I think, naw, can't be a guy, probably someone who had held it as long as me... I have to look. I bend down and check out which way the shoes are pointing and, yep, you guessed it, they were pointing AT THE WALL! I didn't have to look far because these size 13's were spilling into my space. LOL

So, he's finished and so is the one in the other stall, a worker from Safeway. She comes out and he says, GET THIS, he says:

"Are you in the wrong place or am I?" (Now, I don't know how many men's rooms you've seen, but when you're the mother of four boys, you see more than your fair share. I promise you that Safeway's WOMEN'S bathrooms are nowhere near that bad. AND at this particular store you HAVE TO PASS THE MEN'S to reach the women's RR)

She says, "Noooo, you are?" "I am," he replies. "I wondered about all the nice trim?"

I KID YOU NOT!!!

So the worker looks at me increduously as he stands there, nonchalant and washes his hands. I am trying really hard not to laugh. I have to tell you, this guy handles embarrassment well.

He leaves the room and we bust up laughing. We go to wash our hands, and guess what?

He used the last of the paper towels.

Can you believe it?

LMAO