Sad ballad for this year

This last year has been hard on a lot of us, personally. I have had friends like Mercedesmy (her public persona :) and Echo lose babies. I nearly lost my daughter. In fact, it was so close, that one of the doctors, when heading into surgery, gave me "the look" and said another day she would have died for sure, another hour, likely the same. They were getting it just in time to have the most hope, but the hope that was there, was slight. She lived. Miracles do happen. However, in my lifetime, I've had 2 miscarriages that I KNEW I was pregnant and 2-4 probable according to docs and symptoms that followed. My husband and I lost our first one together at the end of my 3rd month. I know the pain of losing a child. I recently learned of my friend Echo's loss. The heartache of the year spilled over. I wrote this in tribute to Mercedes and Echo, and all women who have lost their children at whatever stage the child's life was cut short. If you are prone to tears, get the hankies ready. I cried while writing it.

It's more of a song, then a poem.

Chorus:

It was this hand, I yearned to hold.

It was this hand, I made a mold.

It was this hand, so sweet so cold.

It was this hand, my heart loved untold.

It was this hand for which I cry.

It was this hand, no reason why.

It was this hand, can’t wave goodbye.

It was this hand I ached to try.

It was this hand, so still it lies

          My heart denies, it was this hand.

Deep within me lies pain I cannot bear.

No matter how my heart cries, I’ll never do her hair.

I’ll never feel her little hand or sweet kisses on my cheek.

I’ll never know if you’re wild, shy, artistic or meek. 

It was this hand, I yearned to hold.

It was this hand, I made a mold.

It was this hand, so sweet so cold.

It was this hand, my heart loved untold.

It was this hand for which I cry.

It was this hand, no reason why.

It was this hand, can’t wave goodbye.

It was this hand I ached to try.

It was this hand, so still it lies
          My heart denies, it was this hand.

He will never smile at me, nor will his eyes open to the world,

To life. It will never be, like a ship’s whose sails are not unfurled.

Seas he’ll never set sail upon. Paths unfollowed that will ever so remain.

His skin, so soft,, so pale. My heart aches, the hurt, the pain.

It was this hand, I yearned to hold.

It was this hand, I made a mold.

It was this hand, so sweet so cold.

It was this hand, my heart loved untold.

It was this hand for which I cry.

It was this hand, no reason why.

It was this hand, can’t wave goodbye.

It was this hand I ached to try.

It was this hand, so still it lies

         My heart denies, it was this hand.

Oh my child, my hands, my arms, empty. In my soul, a void.

I see your face, a last stand before the grave, my heart destroyed.

The day will come, I will arise. I’ll move I’ll laugh, I’ll go out.

I’ll see the rose, and feel the skies, warmth and peace, but not right now.

It was this hand, I yearned to hold.

It was this hand, I made a mold.

It was this hand, so sweet so cold.

It was this hand, my heart loved untold.

It was this hand for which I cry.

It was this hand, no reason why.

It was this hand, can’t wave goodbye.

It was this hand I ached to try.

It was this hand, so still it lies

          My heart denies, it was this hand.

Mercedes, Echo, I love you.