Sad ballad for this year

This last year has been hard on a lot of us, personally. I have had friends like Mercedesmy (her public persona :) and Echo lose babies. I nearly lost my daughter. In fact, it was so close, that one of the doctors, when heading into surgery, gave me "the look" and said another day she would have died for sure, another hour, likely the same. They were getting it just in time to have the most hope, but the hope that was there, was slight. She lived. Miracles do happen. However, in my lifetime, I've had 2 miscarriages that I KNEW I was pregnant and 2-4 probable according to docs and symptoms that followed. My husband and I lost our first one together at the end of my 3rd month. I know the pain of losing a child. I recently learned of my friend Echo's loss. The heartache of the year spilled over. I wrote this in tribute to Mercedes and Echo, and all women who have lost their children at whatever stage the child's life was cut short. If you are prone to tears, get the hankies ready. I cried while writing it.

It's more of a song, then a poem.

Chorus:

It was this hand, I yearned to hold.

It was this hand, I made a mold.

It was this hand, so sweet so cold.

It was this hand, my heart loved untold.

It was this hand for which I cry.

It was this hand, no reason why.

It was this hand, can’t wave goodbye.

It was this hand I ached to try.

It was this hand, so still it lies

          My heart denies, it was this hand.

Deep within me lies pain I cannot bear.

No matter how my heart cries, I’ll never do her hair.

I’ll never feel her little hand or sweet kisses on my cheek.

I’ll never know if you’re wild, shy, artistic or meek. 

It was this hand, I yearned to hold.

It was this hand, I made a mold.

It was this hand, so sweet so cold.

It was this hand, my heart loved untold.

It was this hand for which I cry.

It was this hand, no reason why.

It was this hand, can’t wave goodbye.

It was this hand I ached to try.

It was this hand, so still it lies
          My heart denies, it was this hand.

He will never smile at me, nor will his eyes open to the world,

To life. It will never be, like a ship’s whose sails are not unfurled.

Seas he’ll never set sail upon. Paths unfollowed that will ever so remain.

His skin, so soft,, so pale. My heart aches, the hurt, the pain.

It was this hand, I yearned to hold.

It was this hand, I made a mold.

It was this hand, so sweet so cold.

It was this hand, my heart loved untold.

It was this hand for which I cry.

It was this hand, no reason why.

It was this hand, can’t wave goodbye.

It was this hand I ached to try.

It was this hand, so still it lies

         My heart denies, it was this hand.

Oh my child, my hands, my arms, empty. In my soul, a void.

I see your face, a last stand before the grave, my heart destroyed.

The day will come, I will arise. I’ll move I’ll laugh, I’ll go out.

I’ll see the rose, and feel the skies, warmth and peace, but not right now.

It was this hand, I yearned to hold.

It was this hand, I made a mold.

It was this hand, so sweet so cold.

It was this hand, my heart loved untold.

It was this hand for which I cry.

It was this hand, no reason why.

It was this hand, can’t wave goodbye.

It was this hand I ached to try.

It was this hand, so still it lies

          My heart denies, it was this hand.

Mercedes, Echo, I love you. 

Nano is rocking :D

So much for daily blogs :) I am posting regularly on my FAcebook aruthor page though if you're wanting to watch this roller coaster ride to beat my own record :) HEre's where you can like my page https://www.facebook.com/pages/Leona-Bushman/150659211663622

Anyways, to give you all an update. I'm doing pretty good here. I did have a couple of short days, then I took a break. I needed it. I was stuck on a particular aspect of it and was unable to write the "need this here" as the middle portion was dependent on the trick itself and had to be worked out.

So, we got an electric fireplace, I rearranged a few things and I've been making fun foods like torrone and cake, and I'm up to 40k on my MS yes, 40k since the 1st of November!! So excited. Trying to go higher, but we'll see what happens today :) My goal is to hit minimum of 60, but would REALLY like to hit 75k for the month! I'm on schedule to do that, but this has been the easy portion so far ;)

Any of you doing nano? If so, how are you doing? What's your goals? Are you stuck anywhere?

Nano

LOL well, days 3, 4, 5, 6 went really well! Since I'd only done 400 the first day, it took some doing to get my average over 3k!! but I did it :) Day 7 now, and I've finished 800 of the 3k I wanted, but my total word count is 22,351!! A personal best, I think! I worked today so I'm fighting brain-stuck-on-dead-tired disease. I'm losing :P

Had really good write in via twitter with some pubwrite friends!! Loads of fun. ;)

Now trying to find gumption fo finish my minimums for today. Work seems to just take it all out of me. But I won't let work win!!!

I also need to figure out how to work some art time in...getting a hankering to do more than a little...these are the kind of moods that produce three to four paintings at a time :)

I also have to find a couch or two, an electric or wood fireplace and a car...we'll have like -$400 so pbbbttt lol

So back to writing and painting.and being a parent.

nano

I forgot that I wanted to post daily ;P so here's the wrap up of day's one and two.

Day one: My son's birthday, got told to do x amount of work from home so was looking forward to a day of baking cake, writing, and throwing a little work in. What actually happened? Boss remembered meeting in tricities (Over hour from Yakima, where office is located which I had to get to. PLus getting from office to freeway is like another twenty minutes. So, guess what? Day one was shot but did manage to put in 400 words before the night was out.

Day two: Haven't seen my thyroid meds.since Halloween which is only day I'd taken them since the prior week. Searched HIGH and low. Again. Had done that day before, but now I've roped kids into helping. No dice. So I clean and start dinner and start writing. I felt the drop when my body hit the I need meds now stage, but by then had written just over 2k for the day ;) When husband got home, he helped. Half hour later, I had my meds!!! Whoop! So finished day with 3700. Have now made up NaNoWriMo minimus for days one and two, but still short on personal goals. I need to aim at hitting 3k a day (which I can do!) or more, especially now that I'm working.

Day three has just begun. I'm starting the day at 4126 and I hope it goes well. I'm fighting allergies, cleaning and school for boys. And we're supposed to build recycle bins today for class project. (I know, awesome school day for my boys!!) Wish me luck and that a bigger percentage of my words will be awesome, epic and full of wonder and not rubbish worthy of only gitting hit with thte delete button. Tata for now ;)