Monday, Monday. I sometimes think the writer of that song (which I'm sure lots of people on the planet know, but I don't! :P) was having a morning like today. Rainy weather setting off my allergies, little annoying things taking up time (forgetting my keys in the house AFTER making sure I had them) and the stress of providing for my family.
I'm at a day job. I like my job. I've had worst. I'm not paid per hour, but more per project. That frees me up to do stuff like, say, BLOG, or twitter without the guilt. Although, I will be moving to put stuff on craigslist for my work after this. But I miss my kids. Even though there's not a lot of time out of the house for the job, I now have to spend larger blocks of time to do things like grocery shopping etc, or I can take them with me. Yeah, um, shopping with three kids? Actually, yesterday they were great. It was the other stuff that got in the way. Mostly, I'm having MAJOR behavioral issues anytime I make them do a chore, and some minor issues when doing school work.
Because of my job, which I also do stuff for at home, I'm tired. And not getting a lot of fun time with them. Most of it is checking to see if they did their work, their chores, etc. When our money situation levels out (probably six months) maybe it'll be less stressful cuz I can reward them with tangible things and buy more time saving foods. For now, it's frustrating.
And more, I miss the writing time. I'm not doing as much as I need to, but I'm getting back in shape! It's almost NaNoWriMo time! I need to be in shape! I love that time of year. It's the time where my writing becomes my focus whether anyone likes it or not!! Sometimes, being a wife and mother gets in the way of being a writer. Sometimes, it's the other way around. I've learned better how to find the balance, but the day job through that balance out of wack.
I'm a good way through edits, but I'm having trouble writing new stuff on my fantasy. That creative energy is sucked up by the stresses of the rest of my life. I learned my lesson on it before, so I'm fighting back, but it is a fight. My husband is just glad I'm working and since I'm working, his attitude seems to be I don't NEED ot try to write anymore. It's back to being my little hobby, I think. I'd finally gotten him to take me seriously, so this is a major set back for me.
And the timing is so not good with NaNoWriMo coming up! That's alright. I'll show him. I don't have to have a best seller to prove it to him. I just need to have one that sells well. Problem is, I don't have the time or energy for self promotion. I am doing a little bit, but I'm more comfortable helping others promote their work. Why? Because I like helping others. I believe in myself (or I would have given in long ago!) but it seems weird to toot my own horn that way. Oh well, I'll keep writing, putting out books, some for self-pubbing and some off to agents. There are some I'm writing specifically to self publish because of the publishing arena. I might be shooting myself in the foot so to speak, but I'm a writer and I want people to read what I write.
So, there it is. Especially now that I have to work a day job, I don't have the time I used to have to read every agent's blog to keep up on the trends and learn where what needs to be sent and to who. I just don't. So, I guess I made a choice. One forced on me by the economy, but that's life. I have to provide for my kids the best way I can without losing my dreams for myself. Has anyone else made these kind of choices regarding their art and their need to pay bills? Sure. The starving artist went out of vogue ages ago. Then again, if I could find a patron of my art and writing, maybe I wouldn't have to make that choice! :D