tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8250530615581285439.post4635606835905820487..comments2023-05-05T04:10:12.757-07:00Comments on *Publish or Bust*: critique me queryLeonahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11786326364037397675noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8250530615581285439.post-47175121343713117032011-08-05T11:47:18.775-07:002011-08-05T11:47:18.775-07:00Ok, so currently the query is 329 words, including...Ok, so currently the query is 329 words, including the bit at the end. Too long. I was eventually able to get my whole query under 250 and it was MUCH tighter.<br /><br />I know why you've done what you've done - you've deliberately kept it vague because you don't want to give away too much. However, in doing so you've made it TOO vague. I don't get how Agent Joseph is involved and I've read the book!<br /><br />There's a lot here about your character but very little about the actual conflict she's facing. We don't know why she's had to go to El Paso (and why is it important that she's 2000 miles from home?) and we don't know who the main protagonist is. We know she isn't happy with the FBI but you don't really say why. The ins and outs of the immune thing is really confusing - all you need to say is "there's a virus that turns people into zombies and I'm immune to it".<br /><br />Also, I believe query letters should be written in present tense.<br /><br />We need to know what she has to do, why she has to do it, and who is trying to stop her. And we need to know that Agent Joseph is helping her because it's really not clear here.<br /><br />Try to keep it more on the original timeline of the novel - i.e. she gets this job, realises something's dodgy and then her kids are taken and the **** really hits the fan.Anne-Mhairi Simpsonhttp://www.annemhairisimpson.comnoreply@blogger.com